Bad Santa 2

Synopsis: Fueled by cheap whiskey, greed and hatred, Willie teams up once again with his angry little sidekick, Marcus, to knock off a Chicago charity on Christmas Eve.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama
Director(s): Mark Waters
Production: Miramax/Broad Green
  1 win & 2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
92 min


Christmas, Christmas


Well, it's Christmas time,

pretty baby

And the snow is falling on the ground

Christmas, Christmas

Well, it's Christmas time,

pretty baby

And the snow is on the ground

Christmas, Christmas

Well, you be a real good little girl

Santa Claus is back in town

Christmas, Christmas

Got no sleigh with reindeer

No sack on my back

You're gonna see me comin'

In a big black Cadillac

Whoa, it's Christmas time,

pretty baby

And the snow is falling on the ground

Christmas, Christmas

Well, you be a real good little baby

Santa Claus is back in town


- What the f*ck?

Hang up your pretty stockings

And turn off the light

Down yum chimney tonight


You think I want this piece of shit?

F*ck you!

And the snow is falling on the ground

- Well, you be a real good little baby

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Get away!

- F*ck you!

Horny drunk!

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas

Christmas, Christmas

Let's just say my whole life

has been one long f*cking

miserable nightmare most of the time.

And pure shit on a good day.

Goddamn it.

Yeah, I guess there have been

a few dull bright spots here and there.

F*ck it.

Like a piece of ass

who didn't look me in the eye

or wanna show me pictures

of her f*cking vacation.

Or a good drunk

when I didn't choke on my own vomit.

- Ah!

- I even almost had a friend once.

Sure, he was a mouth-breathing,

snot dripping 8-year-old

who couldn't find his fat ass

with both hands,

but he was clueless enough to think

I wasn't the worthless piece of shit

everybody else thinks I am.

Including me.

I also found what was the closest thing

I ever had to an actual girlfriend.

She liked the job I had at the time,

especially while I was in uniform.

Sounds like a happy ending, don't it?

But, you see...

you can only puke in somebody's lap

so many times

before the romance takes a shit.

And the kid,

he still creeps around every now and then

and I still chase him off.

For his own good.

So you see, happy endings are bullshit.

Actually, there aren't such things

as endings at all,

because when some shit gets over with,

some other whole thing starts

that sucks ass.

Merry f*cking Christmas.

Oh, there's no place like home

For the holidays

'Cause no matter

how far away you roam

When you pine for the sunshine

Of a friendly gaze

For the holidays

You can't beat home sweet home

I met a man who fives in Tennessee

And he was headin' for Pennsylvania

And some homemade pumpkin pie

From Pennsylvania folks are trav'ling

Down to Dixie's sunny shore

From Atlantic to Pacific

Gee, the traffic is terrific

Goddamn it.

Oh, there's no place like home

For the holidays

For the holidays

You can't beat home sweet home


Willie? It's me, Thurman.

Willie, what are you doing?

Did you get yourself stuck up there?

Okay, I'll go. But this package

came to my house for you, Willie.

There's a lot of money in it.

And a phone.

And a note.

What? Chair!

- Chair?

- Chair!


Give me the goddamn chair.

Willie, you fell.

Goddamn. Are you

a complete f*cking retard?

No. The Hungry Hoagies people tested me.

I'm top of the spectrum.

So they made me

a full-time sandwich consultant.

- Well, I'm glad you followed your passion.

- What's that smell?

Is the oven on?

Are you making Hot Pockets?

We do hot sandwiches

at Hungry Hoagies now.

But I always burn my hand

getting them out of oven.

Darlene says I should put butter

on my hand, but that's stupid.

We only put butter on food.

Hand isn't food.

Merry Merry Christmas

Christmas everywhere

Merry Merry Christmas

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"Bad Santa 2" STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 8 Dec. 2019. <>.

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