Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan

Synopsis: Young adults at a first-time offenders' boot camp discover the legend of the giant lumberjack Paul Bunyan is real, but is much more horrifying than they could have imagined.
Genre: Fantasy, Horror
Director(s): Gary Jones
Production: Cinema Purgatorio
90 min

(Folk guitar music)

- Oh, much obliged, ma'am.

That... Oh, that looks so tasty.

- Oh, you're so welcome.

Smells wonderful.

- Thank you.

- Hey, about a pot

of hot coffee?

- Coming right up.

- Thank you.

- Hope you brought back

a powerful appetite with you.

Can you believe this snow?

You boys keep working that hard,

You're gonna have

this whole forest chopped.

- Yeah,

maybe we should slow down,

Go half speed.

What do you say, boss?

- You go half speed,

Ill cut you half speed.

- All Im saying is,

It takes some time for these

big trees to grow back.

Don't it?

- Trees are trees.

More people are building

houses now, closer together.

You look at your kitchen window,

You can look

in your neighbor's bedroom.

You take it from me, young man.

The future of this great country

is home ownership.

Now, I want you guys

to get some rest tonight

'Cause tomorrow we're gonna cut

20 acres of god's green timber.

When's this thing gonna be done,


- Chow's ready boss.

Meat's practically falling off

the bone.

- Ain't bad, Elmer.

It ain't too bad.

- Much obliged, boss.

- Save me some.

I'll be back.

- You got another log jam

to take care of, boss?

That's the third time today

for him.

- Well, for a great big bear

of a man,

Boss sure has the itty-Bitty

bowels of a squirrel.

Ring the dinner bell, kid.

Tell the men to come on over.

Chow's ready.

(Metal ringing)

- Smells good, y'all.

(Metal ringing)

(Ominous music)

(Saw buzzing)

- (Growling)

- Hey.

- (Snarls)


- (Pants)

Hey, hey.

- (Snarling)

(Saw buzzing)

(Both growl)

- (Yells)

- (Growling)

- (Yells)


(Menacing orchestral music)

- (Sighs gruffly)

These monkeys

are gonna get themselves hurt.

- No, not a problem.

We'll be here.

- Miss cow-Wow-Zinkowski?

- Please,

my friends call me Sam.

- Sergeant Hoke,

and I don't have any friends,

So you will address me

as sergeant Hoke.

- Oh...


- Here they come now.

(Dramatic blues music)

Let's see who we got here.

D.O.C. Number 6-8-2-9-0,

Martin Williams,

Felony robbery.

- Is this really necessary?

- Move it along,

chicken little.

D.O.C. Number 9-0-2-1-1,

Trish gauge, three counts

of assault on a police officer.

Fall in, prairie dog.

D.O.C. Number 2-0-0-6-8,

Zachery Moore,

drug trafficking.

- You can call me Zack.

- I'll be keeping

a real special eye on you.

Move along, wasted space.

D.O.C. Number 1-8-7-5-0,

Rosa villa.

Well, contempt of court.

Couldn't have guessed.

Fall in there, thornbush.

- Hi, ray Tanner,

dropping off my daughter.

- (Sighs)

D.O.C number 1-7-9-0-1,

Claire Tanner,

Drunk driving, bodily injury.

You are late; if you are

trying to get on my good side,

You have failed.

Now, get in line, happy hour.

- Hey, is that thing necessary?

- Well, you never know

who you might run into

In the deep, dark woods.

Toe the line.

That means toes on the line.

(Clears throat)

Yes, this will include you,

wasted space.

Toe the line.

Now, you all have had

the good fortune

To be a part of the state's

first offender program,

What I like to refer to as

the get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card.

There's only one problem,


I'm the one

holding all the cards.

And Im sergeant a. Hoke,

And as of right now,

You are all my s. T.U.M.P.S.

All right, s. T.U.M.P.S.

All aboard sergeant Hoke's

happy short bus.

(Door slams)

Get on board.

Double time.

Double time,

or you will be left behind,

And I will fail you.

Move, move, move.

Do you require assistance,


- She'll be okay.

- Thanks.


(Engine turning over)

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Jeff Miller

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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