Appropriate Behavior


Don't forget this.

That was a present for you.

I don't feel comfortable

holding on to it.

What am I supposed

to do with it?

Throw it away.


We were an "it" couple.

Not really.

Like when we'd go to parties

and there was dancing,

we'd start dancing

and everyone would

make a circle around us

and watch us dance.


Okay, why don't you tell me

what you need, Shirin?

I need my girlfriend back.

Dude, I really think

you just need to mourn this

and move on.

I really want to eat

my feelings right now.

You know what?

I think that's an amazing idea.

Why don't we order

all the fatty, disgusting foods

we never let ourselves eat?


Hey, girls.

How you doin' today?



And you?

Uh, what's your name?



Hey, I'm crystal.

Hey, crystal.

What can I get you today?

Um, let me see.

I would love an...

Unsweetened glass of iced tea.

No problem.

Thank you.

And can I just have one

of those complimentary mints

I saw by the entrance

and a glass of ice water

and a little bit of lemon

in there.


Thank you so much.

Thanks, Brendan.

Mmm, delish.

Mmm, can't wait.

I'm dead inside.

Can you tell

just by looking at me

that I'm dead inside?

I really think

you had to end it.

I mean, she wasn't even

fucking you towards the end.

Maybe it was a phase.

Thanks, Brendan.

How about "Giraffe"?

What about "safe word"?

Like the word "safe word"

as our safe word?

Let's cut out the middleman,

'cause what happens

if you forget your safe word?

Okay, then,

the safe word is "safe word."


Let's do this.

What's the scenario?

I'm your tax auditor.




Can you please

fill out this form?

All right.



I've been a bad

small-business owner.

What seems to be the problem?

I don't have any of my receipts

from June until August,

and I'm gonna

have to be punished.

That's actually easily remedied.

If you'll just fill in

the larger expenses in Section C

and cross-check them

with Section B.



You are killing the sexy.

I'm just--

I'm not into role play.

That's-- that's okay.

I'm vanilla.

Don't say that.

It true.

I'm not kinky.


Look at me.

I like vanilla.

I'm not really in the mood.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Banal sex shouldn't start

until at least a year

into a relationship.

I moved in too soon.

When are you going back to work?

I'm not.


The only reason they hired me

in the first place

is 'cause they wanted

a middle eastern person

on staff.

Now that Yahveh's in editorial,

everyone's gushing

over how Syrian she is.

I'm not letting you fall

into a bottomless pit

of despair and unemployment

on my couch.

Nothing brings me joy.

Well... I think this guy

I know is hiring.

Let me talk to him.

And are you gonna go look

at that apartment

in Bushwick later?

I can't. I have to

go see my parents.

Oh, my God!

Can I come?

Your dad is so hot.

I just want to, like, paint him.

Ugh, no.

That is exactly

why you cannot come.

So, uh...

So, in the afternoon,

I took an appendix,

and I rewired it on this kid

who had no control

of his own urine.



No, no, no, we made him dry.

But now he has to pee

out of his belly button.

Please stop.

This is fascinating.

Not while we're eating.

Yeah, it can wait

until after, right?


Did you see Ali's picture

of the sex-reassignment


No, I didn't, 'cause

I deleted it the minute

I read "intestine vagina"

in the subject.

They're interesting


Yeah, they are.

Show them.

Please don't do this.

I don't understand why

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Appropriate Behavior" STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 12 Dec. 2019. <>.

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