Animal Crackers

Synopsis: Captain Spaulding, the noted explorer, returns from Africa and attends a gala party held by Mrs. Rittenhouse. A painting displayed at that party is stolen, and the Marxes help recover it. Well, maybe 'help' isn't quite the word I was looking for--this is the Marx Brothers, after all...
Genre: Comedy, Musical
Director(s): Victor Heerman
Production: MCA Universal Home Video
  2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
97 min


You must do your best tonight,

be on your toes, men.

There's an honored guest tonight.

He's one of those men,

who are being feted

by the smart-set.

We'll see

that he gets what he deserves.

Treat him as they do a king,

in manner royal.

Like a subject to a king,

you must be loyal.

On this

you must have your hearts set.

We'll do nothing to get on his nerves.

Again I mention:

Be on your toes, men.

He craves attention,

he's one of those men.

We will give him

just what he deserves.

Oh, Hives...

- Yes, Mrs. Rittenhouse?

I'd like to reassign the rooms.

- Very good, madam.

Mr. Chandler

should have the Blue suite.

Captain Spaulding, as guest of honor,

gets the Green duplex with 2 baths.

Two? - Yes. I think the Captain

would like 2 baths, don't you?

If he's just returned from Africa,

he may need 2 baths.

Mr. Roscoe W. Chandler.

Mrs. Rittenhouse! Well, I...

Mr. Chandler!

So nice to see you.

- The famous Beaugard, as promised.

How can I ever express my gratitude?

- Oh, 'tis nothing.

Nothing? You return from Europe

with a masterpiece worth $100,000,

and instead of displaying it yourself,

you let me unveil it

at my party for Captain Spaulding.

You call that nothing?

- Mrs. Rittenhouse, I...

Please remove it to where it will be

exhibited. - Very good, sir.

And very careful, please.

You think that is something?

I would do much more for you.

You are a very beautiful woman.

- No, no, Mr. Chandler.

Well, maybe I'm wrong.

- What?

Please do not go. I love you.

- I know. Mr. Chandler, now look...

Hello, Mother. Playing house?

Well, if you'll pardon me.

Have you seen Johnny Parker?

- Forget him. Think more of our guest.

Your problem is you don't take

these social affairs seriously.

What would you suggest, Mom? Suicide?

I would suggest...

That must be him.

- Captain Spaulding has arrived.

What a pleasure! I'm so glad.


Captain Spaulding has arrived.

At last we are to meet him,

the famous Captain Spaulding.

From climates hot and scalding,

the Captain has arrived.

Most heartily we'll greet him,

with plain and fancy cheering,

until he's hard of hearing.

The Captain has arrived.

The Captain has arrived.

Mr. Horatio W. Jamison,

Field Secretary of Captain Spaulding.

The Captain insists on these

conditions under which he camps here.

In one thing he is very strict.

He wants his women young and picked.

As for men,

he won't have any tramps here.

As for men,

he won't have any tramps here.

The men must all be very old,

the women warm, the champagne cold.

It's under these conditions

that he camps here.

I'm announcing

Captain Geoffrey Spaulding.

He's announcing

Captain Geoffrey Spaulding.

Oh dear. He is coming.

At last he's here.

Well, what do I owe you?

From Africa to here, $1.85?


I told you not to take me

through Australia. That's criminal.

Turn around.

I want to see your license plates.

I'll attend to you later.

You're one of the most beautiful

women I've seen. Doesn't say much.

Captain, Rittenhouse Manor

is entirely at your disposal.

I'm grateful for this magnificent

washout, ah, turnout.

Vow I'd like to say a few words.

Hello, I must be going.

I cannot stay.

I came to say I must be going.

I'm glad I came,

but just the same, I must be going.

But you must stay.

If you should go away, you'll spoil

this party I am throwing.

I'll stay a week or two,

I'll stay the summer through,

but I am telling you,

I must be going.

Before you go,

will you oblige us

and tell us of

your deeds so glowing?

I'll do anything you say. In fact

Rate this script:(2.00 / 2 votes)

George S. Kaufman

George Simon Kaufman (November 16, 1889 – June 2, 1961) was an American playwright, theatre director and producer, humorist, and drama critic. In addition to comedies and political satire, he wrote several musicals, notably for the Marx Brothers. One play and one musical that he wrote won the Pulitzer Prize for Drama: You Can't Take It with You (1937, with Moss Hart), and Of Thee I Sing (1932, with Morrie Ryskind and Ira Gershwin). He also won the Tony Award as a Director, for the musical Guys and Dolls. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Animal Crackers" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 31 Jul 2021. <>.

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