American Ultra
1
Where do you want to begin?
Dustpan...
Spoon...
Noodles...
Bear...
Frying pan...
Fire. Apollo Ape. "Marry Me."
Where did it all begin?
Okay, it started three days ago.
Ln the town of Liman, West Virginia.
It's where I lived
with my girlfriend, Phoebe.
She is the only good thing
that's ever happened to me.
I honestly cannot even remember
my life before her.
We were the perfect f***ed-up couple.
She was perfect, and I was the f***-up.
And we were really, really happy.
And I wanted to make it forever,
so I saved up for the perfect ring.
And I planned the perfect romantic trip
to surprise her.
And then I f***ed that up, too.
This is the final boarding call
for Flight 1204,
departing for Oahu, Hawaii.
I repeat, this is the final
boarding call for Flight 1204,
departing for Oahu, Hawaii.
Now boarding all rows and all zones.
All passengers should be
onboard at this time.
God damn it, Mike, come on.
All passengers please proceed
to the gate.
I really am sorry, Phoebe.
I really thought I could
beat the panic attacks this time.
It's okay.
- It's not.
- No, it's fine.
No, it's not fine.
This is something
I really wanted to do for you.
Then I ruined it
and now we're going back home.
- You didn't ruin this.
- Yes, I did. It's my fault.
You should be mad at me...
- No.
- Why not?
- You can't help it, Mike...
- Okay. Thanks.
Sh*t.
Jesus.
Are you holding?
No, of course not.
We were going on a plane.
Why would I...
You holding?
Yeah.
Sorry.
- Hi, Phoebe.
- Hey.
- Hi, Mike.
- Hey.
Heard you two were going on vacation.
Hawaii.
Get another one of your
little episodes there, Mike?
You know, Phoebe.
I once had to drive your boy home
'cause he was having one of them
panic attacks up on the freeway,
trying to leave town.
Is there a reason
that you pulled us over?
Hey, easy on the tone, Miss Larson.
I'd hate to have to search this car.
It's getting to the point
where your boyfriend
should start leaving a toothbrush
at the overnight down at the station.
Ain't that right, Mike?
That's right, Sheriff Watts.
Well, just wanted to
welcome you back to town.
I'll get the bags.
Hey, Phoebe, do you want an omelet?
This could be the right moment.
Hey, Mikey?
Is this okay? I think this...
- What the f***!
- Phoebe, no, I'm sorry.
Did you burn your hand?
Just let me do the cooking, okay?
- I will. Sorry.
- Stop apologizing.
Okay.
Apollo Ape...
I got you.
No, what do you think you're doing?
Hey, honey, no,
I just wanted to tell you
I had, like, a really
funny idea for Apollo Ape.
That's cool, what is it?
How the f*** am I supposed to read this?
Hey. Hello there.
You're here late, Lasseter.
You're not my assistant anymore, Petey.
What are you doing down here?
I know, I just miss ya.
Come on, you're not at the big desk
anymore, you can let a few things slide.
Enough, Agent Douglas.
Okay, I'm leaving.
Do you need anything before I...
Lasseter.
The Ultra Program Tough guy is active.
Wiseman asset Howell is the target.
- What?
- He'll be eliminated within 24 hours.
This is American soil,
they can't do that.
Who is it? Yates?
The operation is in progress.
You're being informed as a courtesy.
- Who is this?
- Do not interfere.
Have a nice evening.
So Apollo Ape and Chip
the Brick are, like,
"Hey, what the heck happened?" You know?
And then they find out that Spicy Tomato
was in charge of the resistance.
Okay, but what they didn't find out,
which they'll find out in the next book,
is that Fido Astro is also in on it.
No. Dude.
I know.
I feel so betrayed.
Do you get it? It's because he's man's
best friend, not monkey's best friend.
Of course. I mean, in hindsight
- It's just that...
- He's a dog.
I'm telling you.
I don't know, I mean,
I really just like thinking about it
and like talking about it.
Apollo Ape and his adventures.
No, I love when you talk about it.
I think other people would love it, too.
Like, even...
Like, they might love to read it
if you wrote it down, seriously.
Do something really real with it.
You know what skives me out, Pheebs?
What?
That car down there has moved so much.
Like it was built in a factory,
you know, on a production line.
And then it was
like shipped, like, here.
And like, then this guy
drove it all over the place.
Yeah, exactly.
But all that time, like for years,
or really for, like, decades really,
this one tree has been
sitting in this one place
not doing anything until tonight,
when it, like, stopped the car.
- Yeah?
- Okay, so this car is always going.
And that tree is always just,
like, stopping. You know?
Like, it's just been
stopping there for years
until tonight when it met something
that it didn't want to keep going,
and it was just like,
"No. You're stopping, too."
And then this tree that has
never done anything, is f***ing, like...
Like, destroying this beautiful...
Like, really beautiful
and fast-moving thing.
Why? Why are you crying?
Because, Phoebe, like...
Am I that tree?
No.
No.
I think I'm that tree. And I think...
I think you're the car.
- You are not the tree.
- Okay.
I love you.
Phoebe, I really am sorry about Hawaii.
It's okay, honestly.
I totally over-reacted.
I was really upset.
It's not going to be
like this always, you know.
Mike, you're like...
...the strongest, kindest person
I've ever met in my whole life.
I f***ing love you.
- You're a f***ing mess, man.
- I know.
- Yates!
- For Christ's sake.
Yes, Victoria?
I need to speak with you right now.
Okay, I guess we were
pretty much done here.
Thanks, guys.
Stop avoiding me.
I've got word that Tough guy
is moving in on my old Wiseman asset.
What is Tough guy?
- And where did you hear that?
- Is it true?
It doesn't concern you. Okay?
Wiseman was my baby.
Yeah, and it's still-born.
So, what are you crying about?
So you're coming after
my still-born baby?
Let's finish this in my office.
I don't understand
why you're so upset here.
Aren't you the one
who shut down the program?
Yeah, because it was a flawed model.
Because we were hurting people.
I didn't expect your yuppie ass
to come riding in on a vulture
and pick at the bones of my operation.
I was made supervisor fair and square.
You were made a temporary supervisor
because you kissed the right asses.
Because I'm the right man for the job.
According to who? Daffy Duck?
Daffy Duck...
I guess I'm doing something right because
I've had the job for about two years.
Yeah, it should have been two months.
You're supposed to protect these assets.
Not kill them!
Victoria, we're clearing the portfolio.
- What?
- Mike Howell keeps trying to leave town.
He needs to be eliminated.
You're going to kill him
That's a security breach.
I'm just doing my job.
He's a human being.
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"American Ultra" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 4 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/american_ultra_2717>.
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