American Pie 5: The Naked Mile

Synopsis:
Year:
2006
218 Views

(GROANING)

Oh, honey, you don't look so good.

You should stay home from brunch.

- Are you sure?

- Mmm.

I really want to go.

You stay and rest.

You can see Grandma when we get back.

Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.

Wanna f*ck me, baby?

Oh, yes. Yeah.

You wanna f*ck me?

Hey, Erik. Do you know if your dad

still has my clippers?

I have no idea, Mr. Williams.

All right. Go back to what you were doing.

(LAWNMOWER WHIRRING)

You wanna f*ck me, baby?

Yeah.

(WOMAN MOANING)

Yeah. F*ck me, baby.

Yes, please.

Oh, do me, baby.

Honey.

Yeah, just like that.

Oh, yeah! So good, so good, baby.

Oh, yeah!

I told you I was paying.

So what's the difference

if you forgot the coupon?

Honey, she doesn't like to waste money.

There's no way I'm letting you pay full price

when there's a two-for-one coupon

sitting on the counter.

I'll be right out.

I'm coming, too. Now I gotta pee.

I'll check on Erik.

ERIK:
Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh, that's good.

- You like that? I like that, too.

- Oh, yeah!

HARRY:
Here we go.

MOTHER:
Okay, Mom.

- Harder.

- Harder? Okay.

Oh, yeah! So good.

- Like this?

- Yeah, right there, babe.

- Like this? Like this?

- Yeah.

Baby, do me just like that.

Okay, attagirl.

- From behind?

- Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!

- Okay.

- All right.

- You wanna cum for me, baby?

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah? Cum for me, baby.

- I'm so close. I will.

MOTHER:
We're almost there.

You're gonna cum for me?

I'm about to. I'm about to.

That's it, baby.

(SCREAMING)

Grandma. Grandma.

HARRY:
Grandma.

ERIK:
And that's the day

my grandmother died.

And it's pretty much the story of my life.

But let me back things up a little bit.

That's me. Not exactly the life of the party.

That's my buddy, Mike Coozeman.

Everybody calls him Cooze

'cause that's all he's ever interested in.

Cooze is a self-proclaimed ladies' man

and a legend in his own mind.

Sometimes his methods are...

(GROANS)

questionable.

Very smooth.

Oh, please. I consider that foreplay.

Where's Ryan?

I don't know.

Last time I saw him,

he was dancing with Stacey and Shelly.

ERIK:
That's my best friend, Ryan Grimm.

I don't know how he does it.

See, I told you there was enough

for both of you.

He moved here in second grade.

Believe it or not, back then,

I was the one showing him the ropes.

Now he's the quarterback

of the football team,

and the coolest guy in school.

Hey, I brought you a vodka and ginger ale

so it won't upset your stomach.

Oh, thanks.

That's my girlfriend, Tracy.

We met in Biology, junior year.

TEACHER:
Now make the first

incision into your frogs.

Cut along the ventral side from the pelvic

to the pectoral girdle.

Oh!

I don't know what she saw in me,

but when I finally got up the nerve

to ask her out, she said yes.

And for some reason,

she kept going out with me.

It's like she totally gets me.

And I try my best to get her.

Come on. Take the low one. It's easy.

(SIGHING)

Screw it.

(HORSE NEIGHING)

Oh!

Are you all right?

I don't know.

Is it possible to break your ass?

Okay, I promise I'll never make you

ride a horse again.

Looks like she's perfect, right?

There's just one problem.

Tracy's not ready to have sex yet,

so that makes me a virgin.

Now, being one of the only virgins in school

is bad enough,

but it's even worse for me.

Yup.

I'm a Stifler.

My cousins are the legendary Stifler boys.

Steve, his brother, Matt,

and our other cousin, Dwight.

You see, with my last name

comes responsibility,

a reputation that I'm supposed to live up to.

Unfortunately, I've let down the family name

on more than one occasion.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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