Alpha House

1

Dude, I can't believe that

this is actually happening Zach.

I know I know I keep feeling like

I'm going to wake up from a dream.

- You want me to pinch you?

- Yes.

Alright.

- You said pinch!

- I'm sorry. Do me.

Sh*t! This is actually happening.

You're right.

We need to chill out.

We can't look like dorks

on our first day out.

Okay.

Alright.

Oh my god.

Yeah Dickface!

It's beautiful man.

It's just beautiful.

Good evening gentlemen.

It's daytime.

Mr. President.

So it is.

You boys are ready

to be inducted.

Yes Mr. President.

See, as new Alpha's these boys

have to call me Mr. President

or else they get punched

in the dick.

Boys, this is Charity. This is Faith.

Girls this is Zach and uh...

- What is it? Christian?

- Cameron.

Boys, welcome to 24-hour

party machine man!

Someone get these boys a beer

and a hand job.

- You alright man?

- I'm just so happy.

I love this place.

Alright girls

put your shirts back on,

we're going downstairs

for the Induction ceremony.

Not you.

You're meet me in my room.

Yes Mr. President.

See fellas, that right there...

never gets old.

Alright fellas quit f***ing around

we got some cherries to pop

and some serious partying to do!

Oh sh*t, did you hear

what he just said.

Oh my god.

We're not even at

the serious partying yet.

It's even better then I imagined.

The average male graduate

makes $125,000 per year,

meanwhile the average

female graduate

make $41,500 per year.

- This is bullshit.

- Yes! It is bullshit Misty.

And why would these women

put up with such inequitable

excusable desperaties,

somehow the women or sterling

college get it in their heads

that being married to

one of these successful men

is just as good

as being successful themselves.

Which is a bunch of hoowie!

Yes?

Is the Astronaut single?

What?

That's not the point.

The point is that we work so hard

to get into this college.

We're just not here

for the parties,

the sex, and to land

some rich husband. Right?

Then what are you here

Ms. Kramer?

It is Ms. Kramer isn't it?

- Kelly Kramer?

- Associate Dean Marshall.

Yes, I know who I am.

So...

This is Delta Pi Sorority.

I heard you were meeting.

Even though

you don't have a house.

I say it shows resolved.

I say it shows resolve.

It's pathetic!

And not only that, it's unfair.

Especially when you consider

how many houses

of fraternities have,

am I right ladies?

- Yeah.

- Defiantly.

Sterling college has always offered

more opportunities

to it's male students.

You really think that you

and your quote unquote sorority

can over turn 50 years

of history?

Yes! I do!

I was hoping you'd say that.

Gentlemen.

Today you enter an

elite brotherhood

established by

our founders in 1963.

Just as Sterling College is

know as the cradle of awesome,

Alpha house is known as a place

where awesome

goes to get it's freak on.

Now, are you ready to uphold

the tradition of this fraternity?

If yes, let me hear you say yeah.

- Yeah!

- Good.

Do you swear

to never speak ill of her.

- Let me hear you say "Yeah".

- Yeah!

To never let her hallow halls

fall silent.

To never let her kegs

run empty.

And to never ever

let the party die.

F*** yeah!

Now, suck the guys dick

on your immediate left.

What?

- Really?

- No, I was just messing with you.

I just wanted to see

if you'd really do it.

I have nobody to my left.

Gentlemen.

Welcome to Alpha House.

- Hey! Who turned off the lights?

- What the f***?

I'm sorry Mr. Kroger.

Am I interrupting something?

Of course not.

It's always an honor to be visited

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