Almost Adults

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1

Cassie?

Cassie?

Cassie?

- Cassie.

- Hmm?

Did you sleep in my

bed again last night?

No, I just came in here

this morning

to cuddle with you.

Like, I get that you're

obsessed with me,

but you have, like,

a really nice big bed,

and that's only, like,

ten feet away.

It's really

not that hard to walk to.

Well, your bed

is so much more comfy.

I don't know. It's weird

sleeping without Matthew.

I'm just not used to it yet.

So you're using me.

Duh.

So who's gonna make

breakfast today?

Mm, I made it last weekend,

so probably you.

Uh, no, I made it last weekend.

No, that was two

weekends ago, remember?

No, that was last Saturday.

- Blueberry pancakes.

- Fine.

Rock, paper, scissors over it?

Fine.

- Ready?

- Mm-hmm.

- Really?

- No? Okay.

- Oh. No.

- Okay.

Okay, fine. Whatever.

I'll make it.

Yes!

Under one con-di-tion.

- No!

- Yes.

You have to promise

never to leave me. Okay?

Matthew is gone,

and you are all that I have now

in my sad and lonely life.

That is a lot to ask for

in return for pancakes.

They're blueberry pancakes.

Fine.

But just for the pancakes.

Bacon melt cheeseburger,

Philly cheese steak.

A pulled pork sandwich.

You'd think they'd

have more vegetarian options.

Right? I mean, god forbid a

vegan tries to eat here.

You know,

the people that don't eat

any animal byproducts.

Oh, we know what vegans are, honey.

We have the Google at home.

Oh, babe, don't call

it "the Google."

You're making us look uncool.

No, I think

it's kind of hipster of me

- to call it "the Google."

- You know, even if it's wrong,

if mom wants to call it

"the Google,"

then we should support her.

- Thank you.

- Well.

Do you know what group

of people tend to have

a lot of vegans, actually, is...

- Lesbians.

- Oh, really?

W-we're gonna need

a couple more minutes.

Thank you.

It's a shame Matthew couldn't

make it out this evening.

Uh, well, he was busy so...

Working nights to pay

his way through med school

during the day.

That's one ambitious

man you have.

You must be so proud.

- You're dating a doctor.

- Hmm.

He's gonna cure cancer one day.

Well, he's at

the chiropractic college.

So he's gonna be a chiropractor.

But if you guys think that's one

step closer to curing cancer,

then, sure, yeah.

He's gonna save

millions of lives.

This place is really dope.

Oh, good use

of the word "dope," honey.

- Mm.

- A lot of the kids

from campus hang out here.

Like, the other day,

we couldn't even get in

'cause the whole softball team

was having a party here.

Did you know that most of the

girls on the softball team

- are les...

- Let me guess.

- Lesbians?

- Is it lesbians?

I, um,

got that internship

at the creative agency.

- Mm.

- That's wonderful.

- How much does that pay?

- Well, it's an internship.

So, I don't know,

roughly like six figures.

- So nothing.

- Uh,

I think that

a ten dollar per diem

is a lot more than nothing.

How are you gonna survive

on ten dollars a day?

I don't know.

Dumpster diving.

Be serious.

We worry about you.

It's a good thing

that you have Matthew.

Especially if I get cancer.

You know what?

I was gonna wait until

we ordered dessert,

but I think I'm just gonna...

Oh, I hope they have something

with bacon bits on it.

I hear that's like

really trendy right now.

Bacon is my favorite food group.

I wouldn't mind like

a hot fudge sundae, though.

Ugh! I'd share

that with you.

You know, with some drizzle

and some nuts on it.

- Salty, something sweet...

- We'll get two spoons, okay?

Excuse me.

I'm trying to tell you guys

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