Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
My parents say there's
no such thing as a bad day.
That it's all how you look at it.
What can I tell you? Parents.
Here is what I know.
They're wrong.
My name is Alexander,
and I'm the expert in bad days.
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
That's not coming off.
Did I mention my dad
is a relentless optimist?
We're in the home stretch.
And look at Mom.
She's not fooling anyone
with that "Mom smile."
Believe it or not,
by the time we got home...
this van was in better
shape than we were.
There's my sister Emily, the actress.
Always ready to take a bow.
Anthony, my brother, a total
winner with a great sense of style.
And baby Trevor.
Sorry, pal. Definitely not coming off.
Bottom line,
today was an epic disaster.
The worst day possible.
Everyone in my family would agree.
But what they don't know,
is it was all my fault.
And it wasn't over yet.
You overslept, bud.
Don't blow my didgeridoo!
What's it for, then?
You're invited!
Tomorrow night?
No!
He's the trick to... Good morning!
There she is!
You are going to be so impressed.
I made what is known as...
the crustless quiche, the frittata.
Wow. What is this?
Two months ago, you couldn't even
grill cheese, and now...
That looks so good.
Egg and cheese.
Excellent.
Thank you.
So, what are you gentlemen up to today?
Well, let's see.
Em has
a dentist appointment this morning...
Right, right.
And then the two of us are going
to Mommy and Me Yoga.
- With Summer?
- Yes.
Will you tell her I still exist?
I will. And then when he takes his nap,
I'm gonna send out some resumes.
Good.
What a to-do to die today
at a minute or two to two.
A thing distinctly hard to
We'll beat a tattoo at a minute or two
and a rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tattoo...
and the dragon will come
to the beat of the drum
at a minute or two to two today...
at a minute or two to two.
- I need to pee.
- You have gum in your hair.
A big black bug bit a big black bear...
No!
Anthony! Alexander!
Accelerate. Come on!
One minute!
If it ain't broke, right?
Guess what?
Philip Parker's having
his birthday party tomorrow night.
That's when
you're having your birthday party.
I know! And I just got the invitation.
He's going all-out, Dad.
He's getting an energy drink bar,
a Korean taco truck, a live band.
That sounds legit.
I think he's having black lights
and a karaoke machine.
I love karaoke parties.
Look, can I compete with all of that?
Come on,
your birthday's gonna be great.
It's gonna be fun.
We're gonna have pizza.
I'm gonna make a cake.
Maybe some volleyball in the pool.
Philip Parker's having a fog
machine and we're having pizza?
- Don't worry.
- You're drinking coffee?
What about my party?
Since when did you
start drinking coffee?
I'm not a morning person.
Can you check his diaper?
- You drop Bumble Bee?
Wish I could be there, bro,
but I got prom tomorrow night.
I thought that was next week.
It is what it is.
I'll probably be wiped out from
my Peter Pan premiere...
but I'll be happy to sing
for you and all of your friends.
No, no, no.
Think of a wonderful thought...
Probably Mrs. Gibson. Okay.
Honey, Dad's taking
Emily to the dentist.
I've got Anthony. So you're in carpool.
- Take a frittata. It's a crustless quiche.
- There you go.
What did you do to your hair?
Nothing.
Say hi to Mrs. Gibson!
Remember your manners.
Hi, Becky!
Hey, Alexander.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
Let's go, kids.
Lord of the Flies?
Pretty scary, right?
Lord of the Flies
is beautiful, Alexander.
It's a deep and meaningful allegory
about our own messed-up society.
Yeah, totally.
That's what I meant with "scary."
The society stuff. Crazy.
Check out this app.
He puts your face on
some bikini model's body.
This is gonna be hilarious.
- What are you doing?
- Wait, hold on!
- No, no, no.
- I'm not done.
Hey, babe.
Is everything okay?
Your last text was so cold.
No, I said, "See you at school"?
Yeah. I'm your girlfriend, Anthony.
You really should end your texts
with "x-o-x-o" or "I heart you."
You can make a heart
with the less-than sign and a three.
Yeah, I'll try to remember.
So, a bunch of the girls were talking,
and they're all going in limos.
We are getting a limo tomorrow, right?
No, I am taking
my driver's test tomorrow, babe.
do as a licensed driver
is chauffeur you to the prom.
It'll be romantic and stuff.
Well, I do want it to be romantic.
It will be.
Also, I have it from a very
good source who says...
we're being crowned Duke and Duchess
at the Royal Court
tomorrow night at prom.
- That's so tight!
- I know. Isn't it like the best thing ever?
These look so real.
I can't believe
Elliot text-bombed the whole school.
Elliot's an idiot.
No one's even gonna look at these.
Hey, Paul.
Philip, my man.
Nice b*obs, Alexander.
Since when are
you friends with Philip Parker?
We go to the same psychopharmacologist.
He's got ADHD, too. He's super nice.
No, he's not.
He's throwing a huge party tomorrow,
and it's not even his actual birthday.
His is next week.
You realize it's just gonna
be you and me at my party.
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"Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/alexander_and_the_terrible,_horrible,_no_good,_very_bad_day_2422>.
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