
Addicted to Fresno
They say having
a sister is like having
a best friend
you can't get rid of.
You know, whatever you do
they'll still be there.
Well that was never our story.
Our story is about how sisters can sink
each other... really sink each other.
Morning, Martha.
Hi, Eric.
- That your sister?
- Oh, yeah, sure is.
Hi.
Smells like piss back here.
Wow. I thought
your sister was kidding
when she said
you were a buzz kill.
Shannon? Hey, Shannon! Shan!
Shannon!
Great. Now we're going to have
of sweaty Lezzies.
God, what is with you today?
Why did you have to tell
that guy I'm a buzz kill?
Oh my God! Shannon Jackson?
- What?
- It's me! Kristen!
I work at the front desk.
Okay.
You remember, kristen Metz?
Wow, oh my God.
You don't remember me?
No? Kristen?
Remember, I was, like,
"ah! My ankle! Ow!"
Did I kick you in the ankle?
Then I was like "sign my cast!"
And then... you couldn't...
you didn't do it,
but, God, I knew it was you!
Are we talking
about high school?
- Yes.
- Okay, I remember you.
Okay, great.
And what are you doing here?
I thought you were,
like, teaching at that fancy pants
school in Carmel by the sea?
Yeah, I was but then
I got fired 'cause
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Woops.
Janitor, lacrosse coach,
couple subs,
the headmaster...
that was my big mistake
actually because we got
caught by some kids
under the bleachers
at homecoming.
Oh.
So now I'm
a registered sex offender.
Yay!
Yeah.
Oh, you can't clean any rooms
with kids in them.
But that's fine. They're
Oh, by the way, I sucked
your boyfriend's dick at
Chris Deluca's prom party.
I'm sorry?
Yeah. I think he must
ate a lot of pineapple
because his spunk is tasty.
You guys married?
Is it Scott Metz?
So I guess we may as well
just jump in, right?
Get started, basically
you just get your key out
of lanyard like that
and then you knock
three times, yeah?
And then you say...
f*ck off! I'm sleeping!
Okay, let's not go in there.
Ugh. People are disgusting.
Check this. This is how you
put on a new pillow case.
Then what you do is
the double-fold maneuver.
This is also really nice
to do in your own home, and
then like that, fluff, fluff.
Perfect p-case.
Why are you changing
the pillow cases?
It's the same people.
They're not checking out.
Okay, how about we just try
to keep this job,
shan, and not be so lazy?
Fine.
What do I do with their shit?
Do I have to fold it?
Okay, if I raped you
right now what would you do?
I don't want to play
this game right now.
You never want to play.
Yeah, I know,
that's why I'm not playing.
This was a stupid game when
we were kids and it still is.
Hey, remember
that old French president
who attacked that African maid?
He was like a grandpa and she
still had to spit his jizz.
Well, I'm not
spitting anyone's jizz.
Okay, if I raped you right
now what would you do?
No one's raping me
in this uniform.
It's not really my color.
What you want to do in a rape
situation is yell, "fire!"
Why wouldn't I yell rape?
No one responds to that.
Who are your friends?
So basically you put your
laundry inside the unit.
And then you want to make sure
you have full load
before you start the machine.
Hey, Martha.
Hey, Jerry.
How was your vacation?
Dollywood was awesome.
You must be Shannon.
Welcome to the family.
Your sister said
that you're a great sister.
I've got my bucket.
And then when that's done
you can just move over and,
you know, close it up.
Hit start.
Then once that's going
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"Addicted to Fresno" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/addicted_to_fresno_2224>.