Abbott and Costello Go to Mars

Synopsis: Lester and Orville accidentally launch a rocket which is supposed to fly to Mars. Instead it goes to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. They are then forced by bank robber Mugsy and his pal Harry to fly to Venus where they find a civilization made up entirely of women, men having been banished.
Director(s): Charles Lamont
Production: Universal
Rotten Tomatoes:
77 min


After you finish flying

thejet ship for the children,

bring them back

to the orphanage.

Then cut the lawn and water the

plants. All right, Miss Pliny.

All right, gang.

Keep your eye on the jet plane.

Orville, do you know

how a jet works?

Of course! I know how a jet plane

works and rocket ships and spaceships.

How does

a spaceship work?

Sure. A spaceship?

A spaceship.

First, you've got to have

a lot of space. And then...

You want me to learn you

how to spin a top?

How does

a spaceship work?

Spaceship. All you do is

pull a string and away it goes!

Nonsense! Anyone who

has studied nuclear physics...

knows its engine operates

according to thermodynamic laws,

using a working fluid ofliquid

hydrogen as a propellant.

This is accelerated and

expelled by a nuclear reactor,

enriched largely by the use

of a fissible U-235 isotope,

giving the necessary thrust

to the interplanetary mission.

Do we make

ourselves clear?

Sure. Just like I said, pull a string

and away it goes. Like that.


that's right around the corner...

Cheese it! The cop!

Oh, it's that

Orville again!

A spaceship!


How'd you get here?

I sneaked

into your truck.

What are you doing? I'm drawing pictures

of the spaceship, so I can show the gang.

The gang? A spy, huh?

What's your name? Orville.

Orville. Where're you from? The Hideaway.

The Hideaway! That does it! I'm

taking you to see Dr. Wilson. Come on!

May I see your

identification, please?

I am Dr. Orvilla.

I want to see Dr. Wilson.

Just a moment.

Dr. Wilson's office.

Miss Howe speaking.

Send him in, please.

Come in.

Beautiful, isn't it? I think

frightening's a better word.

Don't tell me you wouldn't like

to spend your honeymoon on Mars?

I'll settle for Niagara Falls.

Dr. Orvilla's on his way in.

I'm anxious to get the meeting

started. How about the newspapers?

They're still insistent on a press

release. Tell them we're not ready yet.

Will you stop

pushing me?

Push me once more,

I'm gonna haul off and...

Have you had enough? Come on!

Whoo! Whoo!

Where's the Doc? In the conference room.

Call him up. Tell him I caught a

spy. His name's Orville. Orville?

You mean Dr. Orvilla.

He isn't a spy.

Dr. Wilson's been waiting for you. For me?

He didn't want to start

the meeting without you, Doctor.

I'm, I'm no doctor.

I know.

You're listed in Who's Who

as a professor of aeronautical science.

Lester, tell Dr. Wilson

Dr. Orvilla's here.

All right, but someone's

making a terrible mistake.

Professor of

aeronautical science.

What makes a balloon go up? Hot air?

What's keeping you down? Ha-ha.

Hey, who are you?

I am Dr. Orvilla.

Oh, that's all right.

Uh, wait a minute!

For your information, I just left

Dr. Orville in Dr. Wilson's office.

For your information, Dr.

Orvilla standing right-a here!

Wait. I just left Dr. Orville.

He's short, fat and dumb.

I am Dr. Orvilla. The only

people is-a dumb is-a you.

We'll let Dr. Wilson decide

that. Come on. I walk-a by myself.

Dr. Wilson

will be right in.


There you are.

There's Dr. Orvilla! How dare you

tell-a the people you're Dr. Orvilla!

I didn't tell them.

They told me.

You told a big lie. I didn't

tell a lie. They told a lie.

I'm Orville.

See, Orville.

He don't even know

how to say the name.

The name is Orvilla. No, Orville!

Ma questo e'propio pazzo. You

mind hold-a this, please? No, sir.

The name is Orvilla.

I don't go for that kind

of stuff. Now cut it out.

My name is Orville. Che

ti possono mangiare.!

I'm-a gonna give you

a maccharone.!


The name is Orvilla!

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D.D. Beauchamp

D.D. Beauchamp (1908-1969) was an American screenwriter for film and TV. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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