Abbott and Costello Go to Mars

Synopsis: Lester and Orville accidentally launch a rocket which is supposed to fly to Mars. Instead it goes to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. They are then forced by bank robber Mugsy and his pal Harry to fly to Venus where they find a civilization made up entirely of women, men having been banished.
Director(s): Charles Lamont
Production: Universal
 
IMDB:
6.5
Rotten Tomatoes:
33%
APPROVED
Year:
1953
77 min
168 Views


Orville!

After you finish flying

thejet ship for the children,

bring them back

to the orphanage.

Then cut the lawn and water the

plants. All right, Miss Pliny.

All right, gang.

Keep your eye on the jet plane.

Orville, do you know

how a jet works?

Of course! I know how a jet plane

works and rocket ships and spaceships.

How does

a spaceship work?

Sure. A spaceship?

A spaceship.

First, you've got to have

a lot of space. And then...

You want me to learn you

how to spin a top?

How does

a spaceship work?

Spaceship. All you do is

pull a string and away it goes!

Nonsense! Anyone who

has studied nuclear physics...

knows its engine operates

according to thermodynamic laws,

using a working fluid ofliquid

hydrogen as a propellant.

This is accelerated and

expelled by a nuclear reactor,

enriched largely by the use

of a fissible U-235 isotope,

giving the necessary thrust

to the interplanetary mission.

Do we make

ourselves clear?

Sure. Just like I said, pull a string

and away it goes. Like that.

Now,

that's right around the corner...

Cheese it! The cop!

Oh, it's that

Orville again!

A spaceship!

Hey.

How'd you get here?

I sneaked

into your truck.

What are you doing? I'm drawing pictures

of the spaceship, so I can show the gang.

The gang? A spy, huh?

What's your name? Orville.

Orville. Where're you from? The Hideaway.

The Hideaway! That does it! I'm

taking you to see Dr. Wilson. Come on!

May I see your

identification, please?

I am Dr. Orvilla.

I want to see Dr. Wilson.

Just a moment.

Dr. Wilson's office.

Miss Howe speaking.

Send him in, please.

Come in.

Beautiful, isn't it? I think

frightening's a better word.

Don't tell me you wouldn't like

to spend your honeymoon on Mars?

I'll settle for Niagara Falls.

Dr. Orvilla's on his way in.

I'm anxious to get the meeting

started. How about the newspapers?

They're still insistent on a press

release. Tell them we're not ready yet.

Will you stop

pushing me?

Push me once more,

I'm gonna haul off and...

Have you had enough? Come on!

Whoo! Whoo!

Where's the Doc? In the conference room.

Call him up. Tell him I caught a

spy. His name's Orville. Orville?

You mean Dr. Orvilla.

He isn't a spy.

Dr. Wilson's been waiting for you. For me?

He didn't want to start

the meeting without you, Doctor.

I'm, I'm no doctor.

I know.

You're listed in Who's Who

as a professor of aeronautical science.

Lester, tell Dr. Wilson

Dr. Orvilla's here.

All right, but someone's

making a terrible mistake.

Professor of

aeronautical science.

What makes a balloon go up? Hot air?

What's keeping you down? Ha-ha.

Hey, who are you?

I am Dr. Orvilla.

Oh, that's all right.

Uh, wait a minute!

For your information, I just left

Dr. Orville in Dr. Wilson's office.

For your information, Dr.

Orvilla standing right-a here!

Wait. I just left Dr. Orville.

He's short, fat and dumb.

I am Dr. Orvilla. The only

people is-a dumb is-a you.

We'll let Dr. Wilson decide

that. Come on. I walk-a by myself.

Dr. Wilson

will be right in.

Eek!

There you are.

There's Dr. Orvilla! How dare you

tell-a the people you're Dr. Orvilla!

I didn't tell them.

They told me.

You told a big lie. I didn't

tell a lie. They told a lie.

I'm Orville.

See, Orville.

He don't even know

how to say the name.

The name is Orvilla. No, Orville!

Ma questo e'propio pazzo. You

mind hold-a this, please? No, sir.

The name is Orvilla.

I don't go for that kind

of stuff. Now cut it out.

My name is Orville. Che

ti possono mangiare.!

I'm-a gonna give you

a maccharone.!

Ooh.

The name is Orvilla!

You hold that. Cut it out

slapping me in the face.

My name is Orville. You

make-a me lose-a my temper!

The name is Orvilla!

Hold that. Now I'm gettin'

sick and tired of that stuff.

Let Dr. Wilson decide.

And the one who isn't Dr. Orvilla is

gonna go to jail for a long, long time.

I'm Orvilla. How can he be Orvilla?

He don't even-a speak-a like me.

I think I even-a speak-a

better-a than-a you.

No mock-a me.

Who's-a mockin' you?

Eeep!

Eee! Here, here, here, here!

None of that! None of that!

Dr. Orvilla! I don't know how

this happened, but I want to apologize.

Don't-cha mention it.

That's all right.

Take-a this impostor,

this impostor fazzule.!

Take him to jail.

Oh, no she don't.

Anyone she's-a gonna go to a-jail,

gonna be you. Don't-cha mock-a me.

I don't think we should put him

in jail. He hasn't done any harm.

He saw the spaceship. Oh, that's too bad.

Now that it's completed, I'd hate to have

the news leak out. I won't tell anyone.

We'd better keep you with us at least for

the time being. Lester'll take care of you.

I'll take care of him,

Doc. This way, Dr. Orvilla.

You little foreigner, you!

Oh, no, you don't!

Uh-oh.

Here I go again!

Good morning, gentlemen. Morning.

You all know Dr. Orvilla.

How do you do, Doctor.

Won't you

be seated, please.

I appreciate the fact that some of you

have traveled a great distance to be here.

And I'm very happy to say that

after years of research and effort,

our project has finally reached

a state of completion.

The spaceship

is ready to fly?

As Dr. Wilson-a say,

if it wasn't for the matter,

we'd put a few supplies on a-board,

she could-a be launch-a today.

The problems that confront us are choice

of destination and the selection of a crew.

Since all of us are eminently

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

D.D. Beauchamp

D.D. Beauchamp (1908-1969) was an American screenwriter for film and TV. more…

All D.D. Beauchamp scripts | D.D. Beauchamp Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Abbott and Costello Go to Mars" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/abbott_and_costello_go_to_mars_2129>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Abbott and Costello Go to Mars

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.