A Very Murray Christmas

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1

That's funny.

That's appropriate, isn't it?

How does that go? Let's see...

The jingle bells are jingling

The streets are white with snow

The happy crowds are mingling

But there's no one that I know

I'm sure that you'll forgive me

If I don't enthuse

I've come down

With those Christmas blues

I've done my window shopping

There's not a store that I missed

But what's the use of stopping?

When there's no one on your list

You'll know the way I'm feeling

When you love and you lose

Then you'll have the Christmas blues

When somebody wants you

Somebody needs you

Christmas is a joy of joys

But friends, when you're lonely

You'll find that it's only a thing

For little girls and little boys

May all your days be merry

Your season full of cheer

But 'til it's January

I'm going to go disappear

Yeah, Santa may have brought you

Stars for your shoes

All Saint Nick brought me

Was the Christmas blues

Those brightly-packaged

Tinsel-covered

Christmas...

Blues

- Merry Christmas.

- I'm not here.

- Mr. Murray's suite.

- I'm already dead.

- Yes, of course.

- The answer's no.

- Who is it?

- Your producers, Mr. Murray.

They're outside.

They've heard your beautiful voice, sir.

- God hates me.

- Forgive me, Mr. Murray.

But God is your biggest fan.

Number one fan.

Truly a huge fan, Mr. Murray.

- You really think so?

- Number one, sir. Number one.

- Hey!

- Hey!

Murray Christmas!

- Get it?

- Yeah...

- Wow, you look festive.

- I would lose those antlers.

Has anyone shown up for this thing?

- We're here.

- Yeah, so that's one friend.

- Paul's here.

- Yeah, Paul's here.

I wouldn't miss this nutty gig

for the world.

What are you worried about?

Come on. Let's do the show.

- Chop, chop.

- There's no one moving in the whole city.

The airports are closed.

The trains are closed.

The buses and bridges and tunnels

are not working.

A couple of saloons have closed.

The entire city of New York is shut down.

And you're expecting me to go downstairs

and do a show?

- Anything that's fun is always hard.

- That's right.

Oh, it's a miracle.

You two are going to shut up for a second.

- Please be George.

- Please be George.

- Hey.

- Is it George Clooney?

- Is it Clooney?

- Is it Clooney?

- Is he on the phone?

- Please, God, let it be Clooney.

How did you get this number?

Now, you'd better tell me because

I'm going to find out. I am working.

Don't ever do this again.

Ever. You got it?

- My sister.

- Family is important.

I need you to produce!

- Okay.

- Okay.

- How do we cancel this?

- Okay. I understand why you're frustrated.

I would be frustrated, too.

Maybe we shouldn't do it.

- Bev, should we cancel it?

- Okay. You two, grow up.

The satellite is bought and paid for

and non-refundable.

- So we can't cancel.

- You've got to try to cancel.

- We placed all the ads, man.

- Which is so exciting!

- The network has been pro-mo'ing this.

- They are very jazzed about it.

And I don't want to tell you how

personally on the hook you are for this.

You do not want to get sued, Bill.

You don't want to be personally

on the hook. That is scary.

So we've got some weather issues.

Hold on, Bev.

Bill might have a right. Maybe...

Bill has a contractual right to do the

best fucking Christmas show that he can.

Let me guess. You're the bad cop.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

That was a little over the top.

Hey.

- Think of the troops.

- Yeah.

Right? And the kids in hospitals.

And pets outside.

I need my antlers!

You always forget them.

- Jackpot! Here we go.

- Thanks, Paul. Come on.

Here we go. Here we go.

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