A Stand Up Guy

Synopsis: Sammy Lagucci is a lovable loser who just wants to do right by his daughter. When he finds out the gangsters he runs with are planning to take him out, he enters the Witness Protection program to protect himself and his family. Going from The Big Apple to a small town in Wisconsin gets him down at first, but on a dare he does an impromptu stand-up comedy routine and finds he has a knack for it. His act goes viral, and what should be a blessing turns into a curse when his newfound fame gets the attention of the mob.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Mike Young
Production: 2B Films
90 min


How you doing?

Give me 300.

Come on, come on, come on, 300.

By the way, you're looking unbelievable.

You're losing weight, right?

Face looks chiseled. Take this.

You have a nice tan.

Tell your mom I said, "Hello", all right?

Call her.

All right?

- Dom, let me ask you a question.

- What?

What makes you think that a

shaved head's a good look on you?

I don't know. You know, the

hairline was falling back a little.

Figured I'd trick the scalp.

"Trick the scalp?"

You tricked the earth, bro.

Doesn't look great.

What? You don't like it?

Looks like your mother

f***ed a marshmallow.

I, I don't even get that.

I don't know, you just got a

face that looks better with hair.

I mean, look at my hair.

You never seen me shaving

my f***ing head, do you?

You don't need to, you're growing

hair while I'm looking at you.

I know, how great is that, huh?

- See...

- I thought checking in

was when I left and told

you where I was going.

How's that not checking in?



Dom, come here.

This is the address to the house.

Family's out of town, so you're clean.

Hey, you're taking that

loudmouth LeGucci with you?

- What, Sammy?

- Yeah.

Ah, yeah, he's a good guy.

Can't stop sharing his

thoughts. He's going.

He thinks I don't know

he's flipping electronic

cigarettes all over town.

Plus, I ain't seen a dime from him.

Uh, you know, I don't

know anything about that.

Okay, listen.

There's over 200 large in the house.

It's behind the fake

fireplace when you get in.

Family's on vacation.

It's good. It's no problem.



I heard you got a beat

on electronic cigarettes.

Yeah, I heard a few things.

I'll let you know if it's worth it.


Smoking kills.


Dom, let me ask you a question.

Why does your uncle always have

to exit with a dramatic statement?

I don't know.

I don't like him.

Plays the "Nice Guy" role.

Then, boom, says some sh*t

you can't be comfortable with.

Look, I wouldn't worry about it.

But, look, he says this

score, it's like 200k.

Okay, we need to get this money,

get some new head shots,

model my way into a

f***ing catalog already.

Sal, you're 41 years old.

So what?

40 year Olds are a huge

marketing demographic.

Plus, they buy a lot of sh*t.

Not from your face.


So, how is school?

School's not as bad as I

thought it was gonna be.

Well, that's good.

I wouldn't want you to be sick

of school this early in the game.

That, I can't promise.

Oh, God.

Honey, time's up.


All right, come on.

- There's never enough time, right, Maddy?

- Yeah.

You know I love you. I'm gonna

see you in a few days, okay?

Hi, honey.

Mommy needs just a minute with Daddy, okay?

- Do you wanna sit here?

- Okay.

- Love you, Daddy. See you soon.

- I love you, Maddy.

Here, take the ball.

I'll see you this week, okay, honey?


Step into my office.

An office? Wow, what a great idea.

An actual office.

That would mean you would have a real job.

Don't go spending it all

on your hair or your shoes

or whatever you do with your money.

My hair? My hair is the problem, wow.

Okay, you know, I swear to

god, I look at you and I think

there's so many things

you could've been good at.

Maybe stealing is my gift, huh?

That's not funny. Sammy...

Your daughter needs some time with you.

Like an actual schedule.

I know.

I'm working on a schedule.

Trust me.

This is gonna be like taking

candy from a f***ing baby.

A baby gorilla.

Hey, I think I know that guy.

From your modeling school?

Sh*t on my dreams again, I will

f***ing kill you where you stand.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "A Stand Up Guy" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Jun 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_stand_up_guy_2027>.

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