A Cry in the Dark

Our pastor Michael and his wife

Lindy stand before you today

with their two boys, Aidan and Reagan,

with their new little daughter

and baby sister

Azaria Chantel Loren Chamberlain,

who you have lent us, Lord, and we're

here to dedicate her life back to you.

We would ask the family

and friends and congregation

to stand and promise to set a proper

example for this child as she grows up.

All clear to the church, mate.

Jesus! Have a look

at those f***ing Adventists!

Talk about up yourself.

Money, mate.

More than you can poke a f***in' stick at!

I think this'll fit you in about

two months' time. Yes, it will.

- Hello?

- In here, Jenny.

- I've finished it.

- Oh, it's pretty.

- Thank you.

- Thought I'd help you pack.

Oh. Well, I'm pretty much ready.

Black? Oh, yuck!

- That was my baby dress.

- Was it, darling?

Yes. I like black.

You may not believe

that your body is a temple of God.

But tonight we face not a belief, but a fact.

The fact is that your body

is the only body that you will ever own.

I want you to throw away your cigarettes,

your pipes, your tobacco, your cigars,

before they throw you away.

Hi, honey.

- How are you?

- I got everything done.

I recorded six weeks of programmes,

saw everyone I had to see.

I finished my counselling. Just.

Did you post my study leave application?

- Yes, I did.

- Good.

I think it's time

we started our holidays, don't you?

This is where we are, here.

Where do Gran and Grandad live?

They live down here.

This is where we lived

last year, near Cairns.

Right up in the north is where you

catch the biggest barramundi in the world,

which is where Daddy wanted to go on

holiday, but your mother had other plans.

What's a barramundi?

A fish dinner for 12.

Not the ones your father catches!

Now, now! And this is where

we're going, down here.

Devils Marbles, the Olgas and Ayers Rock.

- The biggest rock in the world.

- Wow!

Come on, boys.

Come on!

Tell me what's in that cave up there.

Be careful.

Ooh! Look at that!

Yeah, a dingo.

Kids, come and have a look.

Michael, look.

So he climbed up on his camel.

- Hello!

- Hello!

We all went riding round the ring,

and my camel went...

And his camel went...

You wouldn't get me up there.

- Have you been up?

- Are you mad?! Look at that bloke!

- He's keen! Do you reckon he'll make it?

- Not if he drinks that six-pack.

Oh, look at this idiot!

Talk about stupid!

What a nut!

That's my husband.

He wouldn't be doing that

unless it was safe.

Over here, bubby. That's beautiful.

Smile, darling. Smile for Daddy.

That's it. Good girl. Good girl!

Just wind it on, darling.

- I'll race you to the top.

- Smile for Mummy.

Come on, darling.

Michael, the boys.

Boys!

Get that little body in there.

Bit better. That's it.

Oh, you like your bath!

Can you see Daddy?

Where is he, sweetheart?

Hello, sweetie. Where's your Daddy?

- Are you right there, darling?

- Well, don't wanna miss the sunset.

You might wanna see

if the boys are in their pyjamas.

You might even try to get them in the car.

Boys!

Brrrrrm!

Brrrrrm!

Honk! Honk!

Is it an automatic camera?

No. Well, it's semiautomatic...

I'll get it in a second.

- A teacher. You gotta be a teacher!

- Oh, come on!

Look, I'll give you three more guesses.

If you don't get it by then,

maybe I'll tell you tomorrow.

A bank clerk! I'll be buggered

if you're not a bank clerk.

Reagan went right out.

I can't get bubby to settle, though.

I don't know your names,

but this is my wife Lindy.

- Hi. Is he playing games with you?

- And I'm Michael.

- He's a terror when he's on holiday.

- He can't be as bad as this one.

- Hi, I'm Sally Lowe.

- Greg.

Hey, there's a dingo. Here, fella!

Don't encourage him, Michael.

The signs say you shouldn't.

I saw you today, going up the Rock with

a baby in a backpack. Carrying a six-pack.

- I thought you were cracked.

- It's thirsty work climbing.

- Can I have a look-see?

- Yeah.

Greg, the worst thing

for a thirst is alcohol.

You're joking!

The worst thing for a thirst is sand.

Hello! Hello!

- Can't keep its blankets on it.

- She's so tiny! I thought she was bigger.

- What's your name?

- That's Chantel.

No!

Chantel, Michael.

- That's this one's second name!

- Yeah?

Yeah.

You don't happen to know what it means?

It's French for Gypsy lead singer, I think.

I belt into town ten times a day if I have to.

- I'm not gonna believe you're a farmer.

- It was a beautiful bike.

- What are you looking for, Aidan?

- A mouse.

The hardest thing I ever did

in my life was to sell it.

It's down here, sweetheart.

The cheeky buggers.

I had one follow me

back from the rubbish bin before.

These are ready, honey.

I think this little one's finally conked out.

I'm gonna go and put her down.

Bedtime!

Be right back.

- Wanna try one of these, Greg?

- Mm, yeah. I've got some room left.

Yeah.

Sh*t!

What kind of bloody sausage is that?

- Vegetarian.

- Christ!

Now I know what you are.

You're Bugs bloody Bunny, aren't you?

Jesus, feed the man meat, mate!

Oh, ace!

Dad, Dad! Give it this.

This is tops.

But if I had the dough, I'd buy

a BMW RT 1000. There's a beautiful bike.

It'll do in excess of 255mph.

- Bullshit!

- Yeah.

In free fall.

Get out!

Crikey! How's your kidneys?

Fair go. I haven't even started yet!

Never trust a man who doesn't drink.

Can I tempt you, Michael?

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