A Birder's Guide to Everything

Synopsis: David Portnoy, a 15-year-old birding fanatic, thinks that he's made the discovery of a lifetime. So, on the eve of his father's remarriage, he escapes on an epic road trip with his best friends to solidify their place in birding history.
Director(s): Rob Meyer
Production: Screen Media Ventures/Focus Features
  2 wins & 1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
86 min

[ Rustling ]

[ Woman ]

Get your binoculars out.

Okay, keep looking.

Keep looking.

See if you see it.

[ Woman ] Up in there.

Do you see it?

Look again.

It's right up on that branch.

Right there.

Let me see if I can

get it on the camera.

[ Man ]

If our eyes could

We never needed words

I built a fire and

Then played some songs

Until I knew that

Red-eyed vireo.

Red-eyed vireo. Right there.

[ Man vocalizing ]

There we go.

[ Man ]

Yeah, keep it simple, stupid.

So we'll just go with super crispy, cajun

homestyle. Let's keep everybody happy.

I know. Totally.

[ Laughs ] Totally.

Well, that's what she said.

She's like--

"What do you think people are going

to expect at your wedding? Lobster?"

Well, let's just talk sides

for a second.

I do not just pay you compliments

when I want something.

But you know what?

I do want something.

She wants plates made

out of recycled mater--

[ Loud thumping,

banging ]


I'll call you right back.

What are you doing

on the roof?

I'm-- I'm fine.

You're bleeding.


That's a nice perk,

having a nurse in the house.

It's a clean scratch.

It will heal in no time.

Okay, so we'll get the gutter fixed

by Sunday, which is not a big deal.

I know a guy.

But can we all agree on the "no

bird-watching on the roof" rule? Hmm?

Anyway, I don't think it's unreasonable

to not want to see you get killed.

Hey, Steve,

thanks for calling back.

- How's the toast coming along?

- Oh, he's fine. He's fine.

Don't I just say,

"Here's to Dad and Juliana"?


But typically the best man

will say a little more about the couple.

Tell a story,

crack a few jokes...

And embarrass

your old man a little.

Yeah, I-I was thinking Miguel

would do the whole speech thing.

Okay, so,

defend these with your life,

and I mean that.

You know what? Actually this is

a disaster waiting to happen.

I can give it to you

on the-- on the big day.

The toast? Don't worry.

It doesn't have to be anything big.

Oh, god. Juliana.

I gotta go.

I have to go.

See you, Dad.

- What?

- I flashed him.

[ Laughs ]

I mean, you've talked to him

about all this, right?


Guitar ]

What gives this mess

Some grace

Unless it's kicks, man?

Unless it's fiction?

Unless it's sweat

or it's songs?

What hits

against this chest

Unless it's

a sick man's hand

From some mid-level band?

He's been driving too long

On a dark, windless night

With the stereo on

With the towns flying by

And the ground

getting soft

[ Continues ]

[ Ends ]

[ Quacking ]

[ Quacking continues ]

[ School bell ringing ]

- So I got some news.

- What?


quit YBS.

- Why?

- I don't know.

Some bullshit about the whole

"tufted titmouse" thing.

It's total insanity.

Oh, shit.

Here comes Evelyn.

On my count, just pretend like I said

something really funny.

What? -No, don't look.

Three, two, one.

[ Laughing ]

Why aren't you laughing?

- Hi!

- Hey.

- Love you.

- Yeah.

Today was really

a banner day for us. -Why's that?

Well, I thought personally our approach

to hydrochloric acid was... Exemplary.

- So did you get a chance to--

- Yes, I did. I did.

Yeah, I think I did

quite a good job.

Oh, boy.

[ Laughs ]

- Thanks so much.

- No problem. Bye.


Was that

her homework?


She totally wants me.

It's time to take this whole "being

lab partners" thing to the next level.

As in the--

[ Moaning ]

Sex level. You know

what I'm saying? [ Clicks teeth ]

- Okay.

- You know what I'm saying?

"Give it to me, Timmy! Timmy, I want

you so bad. I want you in my pants!"

[ Chattering ]

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"A Birder's Guide to Everything" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 29 May 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_birder%27s_guide_to_everything_1836>.

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