A Beginner's Guide to Endings

Synopsis: Upon learning they only have a few days left to live, three brothers set off to reverse a lifetime of mistakes.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Jonathan Sobol
Production: Entertainment One
  3 wins & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
6.4
Rotten Tomatoes:
33%
R
Year:
2010
93 min
98 Views

The events leading up to my death

were a lot like the rest of my life.

Things didn't go

exactly as planned.

If you asked me what the odds

in an amateur hanging

going off without a hitch were,

I'd say about one in three.

A few things can happen.

Put the noose too high?

Swing for hours.

Too low?

Choke for minutes.

But hit that sweet spot,

the neck'll snap just so.

One in three.

Okay...

...one in four.

I was born a gambler.

Cards, dice,

sports, horses.

I'd bet on anything if

the odds were right.

But now I've lost a bet

that cost me more than money.

It's cost me my family.

My family defies all odds.

Five kids; all boys.

The odds in that?

One in 16.

Five boys from three

different women?

One in 300.

Staying married to my first wife

through that?

Somewhere south of zero.

That's my eldest son, Nuts.

Born during a heat wave.

His mother says

that's what gives him his temper,

but... I think the kid was born

with a sour disposition.

Nuts wasn't one for school.

All he ever wanted to

be was a pro boxer.

But... well...

things didn't go exactly as planned.

That's my second boy, Cal.

Poor kid inherited

my weakness for women.

I knew pretty early on when he found a way

to join an all-girls prep school.

Now that one cost

me a small fortune.

Come Christmas, he shows up

with a different gal each year.

And let's just say he's got a type.

After Cal came my third boy, Jacob.

Smart, organized.

Holds down a real job.

Huh. Y'know,

when you say it all together like that,

makes me wonder if

he's mine after all.

Now, I'm no saint.

Fact is, I'd probably catch on fire

if I ever did step foot in church.

So long story short:

her name was Champagne.

And nine months later, boy number four

shows up on my doorstep.

The kid's got a lot of heart.

Everyone calls him Juicebox

because, well...

...I wouldn't call a kid slow, but...

... well, he's got a big heart.

Goldie forgave me for Champagne.

But you know what they say:

fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, you're divorced.

Sometimes life throws

you a curve ball.

A tiny, Vietnamese curve ball.

After what became colourfully known

as the Saigon Incident,

Goldie, quite understandably, left me.

But she never stopped

being a good mom to the boys,

even the ones that weren't hers.

And that's my family.

The most unlikely bunch

you'll ever chance upon.

And seeing as I'd sooner die

than see any harm come to them...

...today's gonna be

the last day of my life.

The odds of surviving

a trip over Niagara Falls are long.

It's happened exactly once.

Back in '53, some kid lucked out.

But he had an adult-sized life jacket on,

so I'm not sure it counts.

Now that's not to knock

what the lil' tiger went through,

but a boy that small

in a life jacket that big?

The kid's practically a fuckin' pontoon.

But I don't want to

beat the odds here.

For once,

I want them stacked against me.

Just like I stacked them

against my oldest boys.

So I need a miracle.

For my family.

For fate to erase the weight

of all my misdeeds.

A reversal of fortune.

A resurrection.

A real, bona-fide miracle.

But I don't believe in miracles.

I know that it's time

# And you're staying in

# La la la la la la la la la

# And you're staying home

# And I'm all alone

# La la la la la la la la la

# Wontcha wontcha wontcha

bring a little water

# Bring a little wine

# Bring a little lovin'

# And I feel fine

# I know that you want to

# And I know that you do

# Come in here and love with me

# It's thunder and rain

# But it's all the same

# La la la la la la la la la

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"A Beginner's Guide to Endings" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 15 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_beginner%27s_guide_to_endings_1833>.

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