6:66 PM

---

[POLICE SIRENS AND HELICOPTER]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

VOICE:
Suspect is armed

and extremely dangerous.

Snipers let me know

when you are in position.

You have a shot, take it.

DETECTIVE:
This is the police.

We have you surrounded.

Come out with your hands up.

[YELLING IN BACKGROUND,

SIRENS STILL HEARD]

Release the hostages, Jimmy.

Go kid.

Release the

hostages, Jimmy! Do it now!

[GUN CLICKS]

[GUN CONTINUES CLICKING]

DETECTIVE:

No one has to die here tonight.

Come on, man.

[gun clicks]

[KABOOM]

[OMINOUS DRONE]

SOFT PIANO PLAYS

[CAR SOUNDS]

SOFT MUSIC BUILDS INTENSITY

LORRAINE:

Get out of the car.

SINISTER PIANO:

[SWOOSH EFFECT]

[GOOFY SOUND EFFECTS

WITH X-FILES MUSIC]

SHERYL:
Ah!

STAN:
You motherfuckers, get

the hell off my property!

LORRAINE:
Whoa, whoa. Are you

f***ing kidding me, right now?

PETER:

Lorraine, he has an axe.

LORRAINE:
Stan, Lorraine Taylor.

"Ghostly Night Watch."

Yeah, we're the TV people.

STAN:
Oh, yeah.

[Laughs]

LORRAINE:
Yeah.

STAN:
Hi, TV people.

STAN:
Oh.

LORRAINE:
Hi. Hey, may I?

LORRAINE:
Great.

[CUCKOO CLOCK SOUND]

SHERYL:
Oh, okay. No offense, but

obviously this place is haunted.

Case closed.

PETER:
Ew, wonder how

long that's been there.

SHERYL:
Ew.

DANIEL:
Ah!

What is it?

Ants.

PETER:
What?

No, I'm terrified of ants.

Ah!

We heard screaming.

Daniel saw an ant.

Oh, well, everyone. This is

Stan. Stan bought this place

in foreclosure after the

incident. [thud] [screaming]

I told you fools it

wasn't safe to be here today.

Stan, Stan, we talked

about this. Yeah.

I am so sorry. I

forgot my manners.

This place, it just

gets me out of sorts.

It's okay.

This way. Brochures

are $2, by the way.

Okay, you two, listen. I need

you to be super convincing.

I need you get into

character, get in there and

conduct a

proper interview. You got me?

But I'm not a real

forensic detective.

I don't know

how to interview.

Yeah.

And I'm not really psychic, so-

Oh, newsflash.

You're actors, so act.

Yeah, yeah.

SCARY MUSIC:

SHERYL:
Oh, Jimmy. Oh,

oh, oooh, oh, oh, oh.

I can feel his

presence.Aah. Aah.

This is not

being taken seriously.

Shut the camera

off. I'm done.

LORRAINE:
No, no, no. Stan, wait.

We are taking this very seriously.

Sir, tell us about the alleged

incidents that you alleged

to have happened

around the alleged property.

I'll tell you this. Buying this

house was a big mistake.

I mean,

I thought I'd make a fortune

in murder tour tickets.

But no. One bad Yelp review,

and that bus just stopped

coming. I can't even sleep

here because he won't

let me. I actually had to move

back into my mama's house.

Tell me, have

you ever seen or witnessed

this ghost of a serial killer?

I'll tell what I have seen.

Shadows that shouldn't be there

but are. Cold spots,

even in the summertime.

Lights turning off

and on and sh*t.

Jimmy, if you're here,

turn this light off right now.

I command thee.

DANIEL:
Oh, victim Stan, what

about the horrific crime

scene in the murder room.

That's where he shot himself

exactly five years ago tonight.

I won't go near it.

He actually kept the bodies

in a closet over there.

Little Mittens

won't go near it either.

And he's the friendliest

cat you're ever gonna meet.

[THUMP]

DANIEL:
Ah!

SHERYL:
Ah! The cat?

That wasn't no damn cat.

Take it easy, Stan.

What?

LORRAINE:
Put it down.

Y'all just don't get it, do

you? The spirit is evil!

With a capital Evil! It wants to

cross over, and mark my words,

he will do anything

to come through.

Do not underestimate

Jimmy Timmy Beck.

[WHOOSH SOUND]

PETER:

Uh, Jimmy Timmy?

Don't start. We'll just shorten

his name for dramatic effect.

SHERYL:
So Jim Tim?

Oh.

Hey, Bob, it's me.

BOB (ON PHONE):

Oh, Lorraine.

I think I'm gonna buy this other

show. I was talking to Aisha-

No, no, no.

You don't buy another show.

This show is going to be

awesome, and you are going to

want this, and you are not

going to buy anything from Aisha

because she is a lying slutbag,

and I am going to deliver

something

amazing to you in a week.

BOB:

[Voice cutting out]

No. Fine, fine.

I'll have a cut to you

in 48 hours,

Bob, I promise. Bob.

[PHONE BEEPS, CALL LOST]

Two years ago I was up for an

Emmy and dating a Wahlberg.

STAN:

Do you have a check for me?

Sh*t, Stan, you scared me!

No. I don't have

a check for you today.

No discretionary funds.

What the hell

does that mean?

It means you're an

associate producer now.

Hmm, is that important?

Oh, yeah.

All right.

Okay.

So you just drive safe.

We'll see you

in a couple days.

Doesn't anybody

have a landline anymore?

PETER:
We're lucky this

place has working plumbing.

So I thought that...

LORRAINE:
So here's what we're gonna do.

I want you take this

and I want you to go measure for

cold spots like those, um, those

other ghost hunting shows do.

Yeah. Oh, if you find the guys

cat, bonus. We use it as a prop.

[BUZZ SOUND]

OMINOUS MUSIC BEGINS

[MAGNETIC BUZZING CONTINUES]

This place gives me the creeps.

[MAGNETIC BUZZING AMPLIFIES]

[MAGNETIC BUZZING CONTINUES]

[SCARY WHOOSH EFFECT]

OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES

[CREAKY, WINDY SOUND EFFECT]

SHERYL:
I know you said

you're not that observant.

I saw that.

[CREAKY, SCARY, SOUNDS]

Ah! Lorraine!

SOFT EERIE MUSIC

[BUZZING]

DANIEL:
Oh! Oh, Jesus.

SHERYL:
Oh no.

SHERYL:

Oh.

Oh, sweet hay bales,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes