4 mosche di velluto grigio (The Four Velvet Flies AKA 4 Flies on Grey Velvet)

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Roberto!

Roberto. Look, you can level with me.

I had a bad scene.

You're missing your cues, that's all.

You gotta follow me.

Don't hassle yourself, Mirko. Everything's ok.

So far out, who's gonna notice?

Thanks, man. See you.

Mirko...

Son of a b*tch!

- Hey! Just a minute.

- What do you want?

That's cute, what do I want?

What the hell do you want?

You've been following me for

maybe a week now.

I'm sick of seeing your stupid face.

Now what are you after?

Are you crazy?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I've never followed anybody.

What're you after, man?

What's your trip?

Lay off me, will you! Lay off!

I'm not fooling, see. Now beat it!

I'm warning you.

Hello?

Hello!

- Are you still awake?

- Yeah.

Good night. Good morning.

Whatever the case may be.

- Who was it?

- Nobody. Never said anything.

UNKNOWN BODY FOUND IN THE RIVER

Bye-bye.

Good bye, ma'am.

You can take them back!

And don't make the same mistake again.

I'd like to see you in my shoes,

with all this mail to deliver.

- Hi.

- Hi, Maria. What's happening?

Oh, that nitwit.

He's always making mistakes.

Sometimes it's really embarrassing.

He's giving me the old cripple's mail orders.

You know what kind of mail Rambaldi gets?

Swedish pornography! You

wouldn't believe some of the positions!

Roberto. What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Why don't you come over here with us?

- Hey listen, I gotta tell you what I saw.

- What's that?

- An execution in Saudi-Arabia.

- Sounds gory.

They're still chopping off heads there.

This poor guy got his hands tied behind his back,

and they force him onto his knees -

- in the center of this enormous square.

Then the executioner arrives.

He's got this huge sword in his right hand.

And a real thin stiletto in his left.

First he takes the stiletto and jabs it as a hard

as he can into the nape of the guy's neck.

The whole body jerks rigid. Then before you know it

the executioner's raised his sword,...

...the neck stiff, a nice clean cut

and off with his head.

Oh my god, how horrible!

Who brought him here?

Andrea, why don't you tell us about

what you've been writing lately?

Alright. Here's a fascinating story.

Something right up Mirko's alley.

It's about the funeral of a famous French chef.

The service is attended by cooks from all over the world.

It's a beautiful and moving ceremony.

Just as the coffin is about to be closed,...

...the mourners sprinkle parsley

and paprika over the deceased.

Well at least that isn't as gory!

I could kill you now.

But I won't. I'll wait.

Who's going to help you?

The police perhaps?

You can't ask anyone.

You're all alone.

- What's the matter?

- Nothing.

I couldn't sleep. Go back to bed.

- I heard noises.

- I said it was nothing.

No. Is something wrong?

And I feel so strange.

Please. You can tell me.

Something is wrong.

- These last few days...

- I told you it was nothing.

I killed a man.

A couple of days ago I killed a man.

What does he want from you?

I don't know. That's what's so crazy.

He never asked for money.

He threatens me.

Phone calls, letters, photos.

And tonight he nearly killed me.

Look. Everything, right here.

It's all gone!

Sure, that's why he came, he took them!

- Are you sure that guy's really dead?

- I stabbed him, didn't I?

- Besides, it was in the papers the next day.

- Did they give his full name?

Well no, it just said 'unidentified body.'

- You don't believe me.

- What if it's all a bad dream?

You've been working awfully hard lately.

Listen, tomorrow we can go see Enrico.

- He's a good friend.

- Yeah? He's a shrink too.

- You think I'm crazy, huh?

- I didn't mean that.

Ok, go to bed, leave me alone.

Go on, leave me alone!

Roberto, what was the name of the man you killed?

- Carlo Marosi.

- This must be his.

The initials are C.M.

And it's stained with blood.

- Where did you find it?

- On my dresser.

What are we gonna do?

I can't go to the police.

I can't tell anyone.

What are we gonna do?

Let's run away. Get away from here.

It's the only way.

- You know where God is?

- You surprised me, brother.

God is here, he's there, and he's everywhere.

And he's fishing down by the river.

Hey buddy, you got a hundred lire to spare?

- I got fifty.

- It ain't much but it'll do.

God!

Oh for Christ's sake! Godfrey! Godfrey, not God.

What the hell is wrong with 'Godfrey'?

Think of something else to call me,

something less appropriate.

If you're gonna call me God, at least you can call

me God Almighty. Now what do you want?

- Just slumming.

- Slumming, my ass. Come on.

How many did you catch?

Four. Nowadays the water's so polluted,

they're too pitiful to eat.

When you catch'em all you wanna do

is put'em to bed and call a doctor.

- Hey, Jerkoff!

- What did I do?

No, not you, not you. The parrot.

That's my food, Jerkoff!

Yeah, that's what he's called, Jerkoff.

No kidding. Somebody gave him to me.

Said that was the name he was born with,

so I couldn't really change it.

Still, I guess it's not very elegant.

He will never crash high society!

What an introduction!

'My dear, I'd like you to meet Jerkoff.'

- You got a problem?

- I'll say.

- You see, I killed this guy, and now someone's after me.

- Is that all?

No games. I'm serious.

- Ok, what happened?

- What do I do with this?

- Put it in your mouth and eat it.

- It's raw!

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