24 Wochen



Astrid! Your mic's not working.

Hang on.

We did a soundcheck.

- Is it working?

Nice save there.

The cauliflower joke was funny.


- Don't move.

You'll see. Good luck!

- Oh, great.

Time to go. Did you go to the bathroom?

- I could go again.

What's up with the mic?

- Astrid Lorenz!

Good evening. Thank you.

Astrid Lorenz!

- Thanks, Gerburg.

Thank you.

Thank you. Good evening.


Notice anything?

- You're pregnant!

Exactly! I have new shoes.

Pretty neat, huh?

I couldn't care less what it'll be.

As long as it's a she.

My boyfriend wants a boy.

Great. So I explain to him:

boys are lazy.

They can walk at birth,

they just won't.

The birth rate keeps plummeting.

Being pregnant? So uncool!

People understand

"burnout" or "Alzheimer's",

but "I'm pregnant" is like saying,

"I'm moving to North Korea"

or "I'm joining ISIS".

"Pregnant?! Will you recover?!"

Why bother getting pregnant these days?

You can download kids, right?

But, hey, listen up:

A kid ain't keeping me off the stage.

You can tell a decent joke and lactate!

This way.

Car 8, right?


Oh, shit!

- I'm coming up!

Stop, Nele! Nele!

I'm gonna get you!

I'll make it really high.

And then you can sleep there.

- With my little brother.

Or your little sister.

I don't want a sister.

- No?


- Why not?

I'd rather have a boy-girl.

- A boy-girl?

We'll put it here

and it'll be like a huge treehouse,

but on stilts and not in a tree.

A stilt-house.

"It always surprises me

how you make me and so many others laugh.

Your hair is stunning.

Which shampoo do you use?

I've heard that you're a managar.

Markus Hndler... "

My managar.

- Manager!

And I'm Markus Hger.

It's not that hard to read.

"... so wonderful... "


"I'm not embarrassed to... "

- No, not the part about the genitals!

This guy here says,

"You're the best stand-up comedian...

there is out there. "

He wonders

when you'll announce your new program.

Is that so?

- Yeah. He wants to know.

Lots of people do.

- Look!


- Like Spiderman.

It doesn't work like that.

- I know.

But we have 36 shows booked next year.

- Really? Awesome!

It is, but they want a new program.

- You don't get it.

Watch out! You're squashing the baby.

- Sorry! Sorry.

It's okay.

If we wait for the perfect program,

we'll end up living in our hammocks.

And in our treehouse.

Are you ready?

We should get going.

You're no good at this.

- That's what Nele always says.

You haven't cut this one in a while.

Thank you.

What is it you do again?

- I do feet.

She only mentioned vanilla sugar.

Her special tip.

- Vanilla sugar?

I didn't try that. I used cane sugar.

White or brown?

- Brown.

And what did you serve it on?

- Pancakes.

Did they turn out firm or fluffy?

- Really firm.

You're stuffed after one.

With organic apple-mango syrup.


- Hello.


The test also showed it's a boy.

Down's Syndrome varies a great deal.

It affects children differently.

Some have severe Down's,

others have a very mild form.

How... sure are you?

Not 100 percent sure. 98 percent.

In Germany, there's also the option

of a late-term abortion.


until the end of the pregnancy.

Would you like to call in your assistant?


You could bake the pancakes here.

With cane sugar, vanilla sugar.

Let's have a pancake party!

With whipped cream from Safeway.

That's my special tip. It's delicious!

Then stuff the pancakes

into your assistant's mouth

until she explodes!

- Astrid!

Hang on, will you!

I took a drag on a cigarette

at Simone's birthday party.

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Carl Gerber


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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "24 Wochen" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 21 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/24_wochen_1653>.

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