
$9.99
Taxi!
Taxi!
Excuse me,
do you have a light?
And an extra cigarette?
Thanks.
There's nothing
like a morning cigarette.
Coffee and cigarette.
You wouldn't believe
this dream I had.
I dreamt I was back home
with the missus,
and I'm sitting
in the kitchen next to her...
Taxi!
...drinking my coffee,
smoking a cigarette.
And the missus says,
"Bunny, why don't you
stay home from work today,
and we'll be together,
just the two of us, like this?"
She's not alive anymore, but...
just like in the dream.
Oh...
Listen...
You can have all my money.
- I only have 50...
- Hey!
If it's not enough,
I'll go with you to an ATM,
but please don't kill me.
- I have two children.
- Man, relax.
I was just gonna ask you
for a buck for coffee.
I wasn't robbing you.
This isn't even mine.
Oh.
So, may I ask whose it is?
I don't know.
this morning.
You scared the shit out of me.
So... how about it, Sir?
Would you give me a buck
for a cup of coffee?
Oh, so, that's your drill.
You scare the shit out of people,
and then they're so grateful
you're not really robbing them
that they give you the money.
Mate, you got it all wrong.
Wrong, huh?
So, why the hell
did you take that gun?
Actually, I thought to myself
I'd ask the first person I saw
for a coffee and a cigarette.
And if that person said no?
Then, I might as well
join the missus.
- So, how about that coffee?
- Or what?
You'll shoot yourself?
You know, in my field,
you see a lot of manipulation.
But you?
- You're the king!
- Is that a yes?
What you're doing here is completely,
I mean, completely, unfair.
If you have to shoot yourself,
it's tragic, but...
...it has nothing to do with me.
You hear?
I'm not responsible.
You're absolutely right.
Here's what we're gonna do...
You're gonna put the gun down
and ask for that buck
like a normal...
...homeless person,
and I'll answer what I answer
with no connection to your situation
or this gun or anything else.
- Okay.
- Okay, what?
Would you...
...please... give me a dollar
for a cup of coffee?
I'm sorry.
If I give you the money,
I'll feel manipulated.
I'm just gonna go now, okay?
Okay.
Maybe tomorrow.
Thank you, anyway.
You're welcome.
This city!
Everybody is crazy!
I swear to God!
W-what's all this blood?
Are you okay?
What are you doing here?
I was cleaning the waffle maker.
What happened to the interview?
I didn't get the job.
Dave!
They said I didn't have
the necessary experience.
Is that your blood?
How much experience
do you need for telemarketing?
That's what they said.
- And what did you say?
- Thank you, anyway.
Thank you, anyway?
Didn't I tell you
that nice guys always finish last?
A nice guy.
I don't know his name.
I have to get to work, Dave.
Do you feel like walking me out?
Passive-aggressive!
What's not to understand?
Dad, I'm sorry about the interview.
Well, what does it even mean?
Passive,
as in "even if I live to be 100,
I'll never wash a cup."
And aggressive, as in
"I'd rather eat my own nuts
than have dinner with your parents."
Oh, the mouth on her!
She reminds me of your mother.
I really think
you should ask your brother
to put in a good word with his boss.
It just seems so embarrassing
going into peoples' homes,
taking their stuff.
You're talking
as if he's a burglar, Dave.
Repossessing is a respectable job.
Yes, still...
- Okay.
And, in the meantime,
I'll go over the mail, vacuum,
and cook us dinner.
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Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"$9.99" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/$9.99_1473>.