Zootopia Page #3

CGI JASON BATEFOX

Well that’s all the intel I had, can I go now?

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Wait! I don’t have access to motor vehicle records, so instead of asking any of my fellow cops to look up that limo’s details I’ll get you to use your contact at the DMV!

They go and do that SLOTH TRAILER at the DMV.

CGI JASON BATEFOX

Well now I’m REALLY out of useful information, can I go NOW?

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Wait! I need to use you as a flimsy justification for breaking into a parking lot!

CGI JASON BATEFOX

(sighs)

So we’re just gonna keep scrounging up increasingly strained reasons to keep me around until I stop hating you, huh.

The LIMO turns out to belong to a MOB KINGPIN called “MR. BIG”, by whose GUARDS they are suddenly SEIZED.

INT. UNCLEVER GODFATHER PARODY

BUNNIFER and JASON are brought before MR. BIG, who turns out to be MAURICE LaSHREW.

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Haw, a shrew! He’s called “Mr. Big” and he has a big car and a big office and his henchmen are giant polar bears, but then AW SNAP it turns out he’s actually the SMALLEST of all mammals! What a funny twist!

CGI JASON BATEFOX

Indeed! And now I’ll make a joke about selling him a rug made entirely from the hair from a single skunk’s butt, oh wait I already made that joke ages ago and ruined the whole “he’s tiny” punchline ooops.

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Anyway, you don't scare me, Maurice! You can't stop me from finding out what happened to that otter!

CGI MAURICE LASHREW

Well I wasn't involved, so what do I care. In fact, the otter was a friend of mine, so presumably I'd WANT this matter cleared up. With all that in mind, I think the most logical course of action would be to have you, a police officer, murdered. I am a smart mobster.

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Sh*t, I need another absurdly convenient coincidence to save my ass. Maybe I could just borrow that horrible one from Training Day?

It suddenly turns out that some RANDOM WOMAN whose LIFE BUNNIFER SAVED earlier in the movie is an IMMEDIATE RELATIVE of the GANGSTER who is now about to MURDER HER.

CGI MAURICE LASHREW

All is conveniently forgiven! As for that otter, I don’t know where he is. He ran off after he mysteriously went berserk and attacked my driver. One moment he was an ordinary decent mob-connected nudist otter, the next he was like a snarling beast!

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

All right then, since you care about the otter and the clock is ticking on my investigation, I’m sure you’ll agree I should go talk to that driver immediately-

CGI MAURICE LASHREW

Or you could waste several hours attending the wedding of a stranger.

CGI BUNNIFER GOODWIN

Or that could happen, sure.

EXT. RAINFORESTTOWN

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