Yours, Mine and Ours Page #4

ask her out to dinner.

Who's that?

- What are you doing on this phone?

- I have to make an important call...

...and he gets off duty

at the taco stand at 11: 15.

Colleen, hang up.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be.

I could never have done it

without her.

How about dinner? Tomorrow night.

Well...

Mother, it's 11:
14.

What time would you like

to pick me up?

- About 1900?

- Aye, aye, sir.

- Good night, Helen.

- Good night, Frank.

Good night, Colleen.

Mother, don't blink.

You've got to let the glue dry.

But I look ridiculous

with all this goop on my eyes.

- Mommy, you're beautiful.

- You sure are.

Thank you, but is it necessary

that I wear these eyelashes?

I got your father without them.

- But you were younger then.

- Yeah.

- Here. Here goes the other side.

- Hold steady.

Okay, let me take it now.

- Mother.

- What?

Is he handsome?

I mean, in an old sort of way.

- Gee, I can hardly wait to meet him.

- Me too.

Let's not overwhelm him with family.

Not the first date, huh?

- You mean he doesn't know about us?

- Of course he does, darling.

All of us?

Mother, that's so romantic.

- You lied to him.

- I did not lie to him.

I just didn't have the nerve

to tell him the whole truth.

I understand. No man wants a liaison

with a woman with eight children.

- What's a liaison?

- An affair.

- That's what I thought.

- Me too.

I am not having an affair,

and I'm not having a liaison.

I'm merely going to dinner.

As soon as I tell him about you...

...he'll bring me home

in plenty of time for dessert.

Mike, see that it's lights out

by 10:
00.

- Ten o'clock?

- We're back in kindergarten?

- They stay up later in prison.

- Would you like to move?

When you finish with the slot cars...

...spend 10 minutes

with your geometry book.

Flowers, Pop?

Is that corny. How do you expect

to make any time with that approach?

We are just going to dinner.

It isn't going to be a love- in.

- You can say that again.

- No such luck.

Did you tell the lady

you have 10 little children...

...two of them given away?

- You bet he didn't.

He'll hand her those flowers,

then give her a snow job...

...on how lonely it is here at home.

- You listen to me.

Every time in the last year that I've

dared take a woman to dinner...

...or been reckless enough

to bring her home to meet you...

...you've done all you could to make

her unwelcome. Well, I've had it.

I'm doing all I can for you,

little as that is...

...I think I deserve

some consideration.

I suppose I'm being unfair.

Who did this?

My generation is the givers,

your generation, the takers.

Well, it's time to strike a blow

for freedom.

From now on,

I intend to think of myself first.

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