You Can't Cheat an Honest Man Page #2

Synopsis: Larson E. Whipsnade runs a seedy circus which is perpetually in debt. His performers give him nothing but trouble, especially Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy. Meanwhile, Whipsnade's son and daughter, Phineas and Vicky, attend a posh college. Vicky turns down her caddish but rich suitor Roger Bel-Goodie, but changes her mind when she learns of her father's financial troubles. Will Vicky marry for money or succumb to the ventriloqual charm of Edgar Bergen? Will Whipsnade's Circus Giganticus make it over the state line one jump ahead of the sheriff?
 
IMDB:
7.2
APPROVED
Year:
1939
79 min
181 Views


I'm only 5'8" myself.

I'm short in my money.

No mistakes rectified

after leaving the window.

- You're dishonest.

- Dishonest?

- Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego.

- You cheated us.

Sir, you impugn my honour.

As my dear old Grandfather Litvak said,

just before they sprung the trap,

he said, "You can't cheat an honest man."

"Never give a sucker an even break

or smarten up a chump."

- We want what's comin' to us.

- I'm gonna get it, too.

- You are?

- Yeah.

- You too?

- Come on, give it to us.

You are certainly both gonna get it.

What do you mean by?

You can't do this.

- Get out.

- He cheated.

That's libellous.

Demon rum. My heart bleeds

for those poor boys.

- We're being gypped.

- It looks like it.

- We do the work and don't get any money.

- I'll have to talk to Whipsnade.

- Talk? Action, that's what we need.

- What can we do?

I've been reconnoitring,

and I know where he keeps his money.

Charlie. So what?

- I want to get my hooks on it.

- Stay away from that box office.

You gotta fight fire with fire,

crooks with crookery.

Forget it.

- Bergen.

- Yes?

- He takes a shower every day at 2:00.

- I said forget it.

All right.

Just thinking, that's all.

Giddap, Napoleon.

~ Try-de-die ~

Thank you. Step right up.

The big show is now going on.

- It's time for the sideshow, Mr Ribsteak.

- Ribsteak.

You don't mean sirloin with onions,

by any chance, do you?

It's Whipsnade!

Gimme that ticket, you lug.

Gimme that ticket, you coot.

Give it to me!

Agh! Broken my metatarsal bone.

Ladies and gentlemen, this way.

Right up on this platform.

The world's greatest novelty -

the Pronkwonk Twins,

Elwood and Brentwood.

Elwood is ten minutes older

than Brentwood

and has been in a hurry ever since.

Ladies and gentlemen, Brentwood

is the smallest giant in the world

whilst his brother Elwood

is the largest midget in the world.

They baffle science.

- He's dishonest.

- Quiet.

- Listen to that guy lie.

- Quiet, you termites' flophouse.

Did you hear that?

That's the last straw.

I'm going.

Now if you'll take one short step with me

to the next...

Wah!

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Upsa-daisy.

What a floperoo.

Ladies and gentlemen,

on this platform

we have The Great Edgar

and his whispering pine,

Charlie McCarthy.

They baffle science.

Are you eating a tomato,

or is that your nose?

- Shh.

- Oh.

Very good, very good, Charles.

You must come with me after the show

to the lumberyard

and ride piggyback on the buzz saw.

Nobody's gonna find me after the show.

Yes, they are. You'll be hanging

in my window as a Venetian blind.

That makes me "shutter".

Quiet, or I'll throw a woodpecker on you.

So help me, I'll clip that guy.

Rate this script:4.0 / 2 votes

George Marion Jr.

George Marion Jr. (August 30, 1899 – February 25, 1968) was an American screenwriter. He wrote for 106 films between 1920 and 1940. He was born in Boston, Massachusetts and died in New York, New York from a heart attack. His father was George F. Marion (1860-1945), a stage actor, stage director and film actor who is best remembered as Greta Garbo's father Chris in the early sound classic Anna Christie (1930). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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