Wristcutters: A Love Story Page #2

You know...

why didn't we move in together earlier?

'Cause we didn't know

it'd be this fun.

Yeah.

Oh, God, I love those things.

These what? These?

Who? Ophelia?

Desiree.

Whatever. An ex-girlfriend from an ex-life.

Listen, tonight when we go out,

man, you got to promise-

No, no, no. Eugene, I'm not going out

tonight or any other night.

- What?

- It just makes me depressed.

So what are you going to do?

Kill yourself?

I don't know. Maybe.

As if anything would make you happy.

I love you.

- I love you.

- You do?

Did you finish my cottage cheese?

Zia, did you finish my cottage cheese?

Calm down, Erik. I'll buy you

some more cottage cheese.

No. That's not the point.

I was planning on having some right now.

Don't you have a plan B

or something?

Zia, you do it all the time!

All right! All right!

I'll go get some more

cottage cheese.

Zia?

I was hoping we'd run into

each other sooner or later.

Brian, what are you doing here?

Same as everyone else.

Same as everyone else.

Only it's got a little something to do with you.

Oh, yeah?

Did you come all the way here

to get the 200 bucks I owe you?

Ha ha. You were always a million laughs.

But, no, that's not it.

You know how people say that

suicides happen in threes?

Well, there's something to that.

Hey, is this cheese any good?

Uh, my roommate likes it.

You know, when people start

offing themselves around you,

you start asking yourself,

what makes me so different?

You know?

What's keeping me alive?

Then it hit me like a mallet.

I don't have the answers.

T oo much sodium.

But I think it was Desiree's suicide

that really hit me.

- D-Desiree's what?

- Yeah, Desiree's.

She offed herself about a month after you.

I figured you'd know that.

- No.

- Hey!

What about the 200 you owe me?

I still want that.

So I'm saying I got a pretty good idea

she's not in the city.

Call it, you know, intuition or whatever.

Listen, man, worst-case scenario,

we just take a ride, right?

Who, we?

All right.

Let me put it this way.

Since you got here,

how many times did you get laid, man?

- Why?

- Just a question.

Actually laid?

Yes.

- None, I think.

- You think?

None. But what's that got

to do with any of this?

Plenty. 'Cause your sperm count is so high,

you think you're having

an out-of-body experience

Iike nobody in the whole

f***ing universe, man.

Eugene.

Sperm count too high?

That's a crock.

Listen, man, just let me borrow the car.

You don't have to do anything else.

Don't- Don't get so touchy

on me all of a sudden.

All I said is not good enough reason

for me to go.

Listen, you know what?

Forget Desiree.

I got another reason for you to go.

Give it a shot.

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