Without Love

No vacancies.

What next, boss?

Big hotels are full, small hotels are full.

Ain't you got no friends here

in Washington you could stay with?

You haven't got an extra bed at home?

Boss, I got two cots,

both of them taken.

- Who sleeps in your bed?

- My wife does. What'd you expect?

I don't know. I don't know.

I'm a stranger here.

- Well, you're married, ain't you?

- No, I'm not.

Well, take me to a hotel that's got

a nice large rug in the lobby, will you?

And with a small runner

alongside of it for the dog.

Right.

- Hey, taxi.

- Another customer, mister.

Throw out the lifeline.

Come on.

We've been sharing rides all evening.

What is it, a dog?

- Are you the dog I know?

- Where to, mister?

I want to go to the nearest

recruiting station.

I'm going to join

the United States Navy.

They're not open this time of night.

Oh, well, that's no excuse.

Oh, I know, you think

the Navy won't take me...

...just because

I happen to be nearsighted.

All right, ask me to see something.

That's a house.

There's a tree.

There's a sign.

It says, "Keep off the grass. "

I should think the Navy

would be very happy to get you.

Well, I'm sleepy.

Good night, doggie.

Get some sleep.

Say, where do you live?

No, no, no.

No, a home is where the heart is,

and a man's best friend is his mother.

But not tonight, my friend.

Not tonight,

because you don't know my mother.

She's a...

- To Jamie's house.

- Where's that?

Oh, well, now let's not be stupid,

shall we?

It's Connecticut Avenue Northwest.

Northwest by east, and a quarter south.

Aye, aye, skipper.

But what number,

if I'm not too inquisitive?

Oh, it's all right.

It's 184.

It's 481.

Well, you try all of them. I always do.

You'll find it. You'll find it.

See? I told you.

It was just a question

of trying all the numbers.

Nice landing, commodore.

Quiet, quiet.

The day shift is trying to sleep.

Oh, now, let's not be absurd, shall we?

I mean, there's...

Nobody lives in this house.

It's gonna hear the patter

of four little feet tonight.

Four? I can stand up.

Are you sure nobody lives here?

My cousin Jamie lives here.

But nobody lives here now.

Compre...? Oh, yeah.

- What is that, free French?

- Very free. As a matter of fact...

...I'm gonna give it to you

for a night's lodging.

That'll be 3.25 altogether.

Why don't you let him pay it?

- He'll never know.

- Oh, no.

I couldn't do that to a man

who wears glasses.

That would be grand larceny.

Thanks.

Come on.

Hey, have I been out of town?

These are my bags.

Here.

Oh, refugee!

I'm a refugee.

You don't believe that, do you?

Well, I'm a refugee from love.

Really? Well, the same thing

could be said about me.

Say, why don't you spend

the night here?

Spend the night here?

Oh, I couldn't do that.

- Is the dog okay?

- Oh, be careful. You'll hurt his feelings.

Oh, I'm sorry, old man.

- May I take your bags?

- Thank you.

- Thank you very much.

- Not at all.

Let me tell you about love.

If I only knew where Jamie keeps

the keys...

...we could have a drink.

Jamie? Who's he?

Jamie is a she.

Like George Eliot.

- Oh, she writes.

- Who?

Jamie? She writes.

She writes horseback.

She "writes" horseback.

- That's a good one.

- Not that good.

- Don't you say anything against Jamie.

- She's the woman you love?

No, no, no. Jamie's my cousin.

She owns this house.

She spends most of her time

in the country.

Well, sit down.

I'd like to tell you about Edwina.

- Say, who's the scientist around here?

- Oh, that's Jamie's father.

But he's dead. My father's dead too.

Makes my mother a widow.

She's much older than I am.

That's very often the case.

- Not necessarily.

- Really?

Perhaps I've just never met a son

who was older than his mother.

No, no, no. I'm talking about Edwina.

- Edwina.

- Edwina is older than I am.

She's going to be married next month.

- What would you do?

- I'd go to sleep.

No. That's a coward's way.

Edwina's mother and my mother

were the best of friends.

Our fathers were the best of friends.

Our uncles were best friends.

Edwina and I have been engaged

since we were that high...

That high.

I love her and she loves me.

At least I think I do.

Now, you take love.

- You take love.

- Why, what's the matter?

You see this book?

It's logical, it's clear, it's honest.

It doesn't tell you one thing today...

...and another thing tomorrow.

It doesn't double-cross you.

It's beautiful.

I'd rather have it than any woman

who ever lived.

You know something?

I'm sober and you are terribly drunk.

I've gotta go on the wagon.

I've never heard of dogs barking before.

- Hi.

- Who are you?

Pat Jamieson. You brought me

here last night, remember?

Oh, did I? Well, I didn't...

- I don't remember any dog.

- I'm sure there was a dog.

- Would you hold that, please?

- Sure.

And take it over here.

Here, I'll take the cleaver.

- Now put it against the post there.

- Sure.

Thank you. That's it.

- Nice house your cousin Jamie has.

- Do you know Jamie?

Well, you told me about her last night.

- Nice cellar, isn't it?

- Why, yeah.

Would you put that right against

the sewing machine over there?

Down... On the floor.

Down on the floor against the corner.

I say, pardon me for asking...

...but are you gonna dig a hole here

or something...

...because I don't think

Jamie would like you to...

...even if I said you could last night.

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