Withnail & I Page #2

for some money?

If we had some money,

we could go away.

Why don't you ask your father?

How can it be so cold in here?

Like Greenland in here.

We've got to get some booze. It's

the only solution for this intense cold.

Something's got to be done.

We can't go on like this!

I'm a trained actor

reduced to the status of a bum!

I mean, look at us! Nothing that reasonable

members of society demand as their rights!

No fridges, no televisions,

no phones!

Much more of this, I'm gonna

apply for Meals On Wheels.

- What happened to your cigar commercial?

- That's what I want to know.

What happened to my agent?

Bastard must have died.

September. Bad patch.

Rubbish. I haven't seen Gielgud

down the Labor Exchange.

Why doesn't he retire?

Oh, look at this little bastard!

"Boy lands plum role

for top Italian director. "

'Course he does. Probably

on a tenner a day, and I know what for.

Two pound ten a tit,

and a fiver for his arse.

- Have you been at the controls?

- What are you talking about?

The thermostats!

What have you done to them?

- I haven't touched them.

- Then why has my head gone numb?

I must have some booze.

I demand to have some booze!

- I wouldn't drink that if I was you.

- Why not?

Because I don't advise it.

Even the wankers on the site wouldn't

drink that. That's worse than meths.

Nonsense. This is a far

superior drink to meths.

Wankers don't drink it

because they can't afford it.

Have we got any more?

Liar!

What's in your toolbox?

No, we have nothing.

Sit down.

Liar!

You've got antifreeze.

You bloody fool.

You should never mix your drinks!

All right, this is the plan.

We'll get in there and get wrecked.

Then we'll eat a pork pie. Then we'll

drop a couple of Surmontil 50s each.

Means we'll miss out Monday

but come up smiling Tuesday morning.

- What's that appalling smell?

- Perfume on my boots.

I had to scrub them

with essence of petunia.

Two large gins, two pints of cider,

ice in the cider.

If my father was loaded,

I'd ask him for some money.

If your father was my

father, you wouldn't get it.

- Here you are, lads.

- Chin-chin.

Ugh!

What about what's-his-name?

- What about him?

- Why don't you give him a call?

- What for?

- Ask him about his house.

You want me to call what's-his-name

and ask him about his house?

- Why not?

- All right. What's his number?

I have no idea.

I've never met him.

Well, neither have I.

Who the f*** are you talking about?

Your relative with the house

in the country.

- Monty? Uncle Monty?

- Same. That's the one.

Get theJag fixed up,

spend a week in the country.

All right. Give us a tanner,

and I'll give him a bell.

Here. Get a couple more.

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