White Settlers

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you've talked about for years.

Yeah, in Suffolk or Cornwall.

Can't afford a place

in Suffolk or Cornwall.

- This place is so cheap.

- That's because it's a wreck.

Nothing in this place works.

Aww.

You can make it work.

What will you be doing

while I'm making it work?

I'll be helping.

What? Do you think I'm

really useless at this stuff?

That's because you are

useless at this stuff.

OK, I am useless at this stuff

but if you teach me, with a

little patience, I could learn.

Look at those outbuildings.

Imagine what we could do

with them.

They'd make perfect

holiday lets.

It's gonna take

at least 18 months

before this place

is fit to live in.

Yeah, 18 months of

you being your own boss.

Taking things at your own pace

and doing them how you want.

Yeah, in Scotland,

where the weather is shit,

the food is shit,

the football is shit.

- So?

- And judging by this place,

the houses are shit.

OK, so,

do you want to go to work

on Monday, bowing to Fletcher

and keep doing what you've been

doing for the rest of your life?

- It's not what you want, is it?

- You know it's not.

So?

Let's sell up and move here.

Come on, baby,

let's have an adventure.

- I hate you.

- I know.

Ta-dah!

Ed, I've wired a plug.

And the crowd goes wild.

Is that you? Sarah?

- Sorry!

- For f*ck's sake.

Is there anything

I can do to help?

Yeah, stay away

from the DIY manual.

Sorry.

- Jesus!

- You alright?

Gosh, you gave me a fright.

We have a visitor.

- Hello, mate.

- Do you want a biscuit?

He was in a bit of

a hurry to get somewhere.

Yeah.

Probably going home

to shag his sister.

- Ed!

- What?

You know what these

country folk are like.

If it isn't his mother

it'll be his sister.

Or his pet lamb.

Do you want me to make supper?

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