Whipped Page #2

A box worth.

Three times?

You know I only buy twelve-packs.

-These chicks sound perfect.

-Not exactly perfect.

The next morning,

they stole my TV.

-They what?

-They f***ing stole my set.

Do you think that was

their intention from the start?

-Definitely.

-Im sure of it.

I bet they double team

so they can carry out more sh*t.

Its an ingenious operation,

if you think about it.

Don't you feel like they f***ed you,

they got the better of you?

They f***ed me all right,

in a way Ill never forget.

It was worth a TV. They come back,

Ill throw them the toaster.

This is some f***ed up sh*t.

Both you guys are crazy.

That never happens to me.

That's 'cause nothing

ever happens to you.

Yeah, what, did you score?

Or did you spend another

weekend tugging root?

F*** you, man. I had multiple

ladies on my tip.

Multiple, my ass.

Better your ass than Brad's.

Funny.

I was at Strokes

with my five knucklehead friends.

There were seven fine honeys

at my disposal.

Place was so ripe, I had my pick.

Always talking a big game.

No, seriously, they were all

sitting there waiting.

All I had to do was

go in for the kill.

So?

So I did.

Her name...

was Keri.

The flyest girl at the bar.

Dude, you got to stop

whacking it so much.

What?

Making up chick's names

while you're feeding the geese.

F*** you.

She's as real as the

scrambled eggs on that plate.

Last week her name was Nivea,

the week before it was Neutrogena.

Nivea was a nice French girl

I met in the park.

F*** that. If you didn't score,

just say it.

You don't believe me,

I don't give a sh*t.

Say it.

All I want to know is,

have we found a prospect yet?

-A prospect?

-For what?

You know, the plan.

The triple team some chick plan.

-You still caught up in that sh*t?

-It'll be f***ing great.

The three of us and some hottie,

doing high-fives over her back.

The ultimate sexual plateau.

F*** the plan.

I'm just trying to find

some chick I can relate to.

What?

-Some girl I actually respect.

-Why can't we find girls like us?

Dude, all girls masturbate.

F*** you. That's not what I meant.

Why are you always...?

Im kidding. I understand

what you're saying.

It'd be cool to find a hot chick

that also cared about

the same sh*t we do.

Some little snappy you don't

want to kick out of bed

-right after you throw your web.

-I hear you.

-Is that too much to ask?

-Good f***ing luck.

What?

Oh, no.

-Who the hell invited him?

-I did. He used to be one of us.

Exactly, he used to be.

Then the a**hole got married.

When you pass the ring,

you lose the sting.

You might as well chop

your dick off at the altar.

-Hi.

-Hey, Eric. Have a seat.

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