Where The Truth Lies Page #2

eyeglasses, cool jazz, liberal...

..."I'll f*** any black guy as

part of my personal apology...

... for racism in America" type.

Anyhow, on this particular night,

we're in a club in New Jersey...

... it's the '50s, and I'm mingling

with the crowd.

Now, when I say "mingling,"

what I mean is...

... I was scouting

for who I would sleep with.

Didn't matter if the girls

came with dates.

That was Reuben's job.

Reuben is my valet.

I never figured out how he

helped them get rid of their dates...

... but they were always gone

by the second show.

Reuben could clean up

any situation.

Excuse me, miss.

May I say that I think...

...you have the most beautiful eyes

I have ever seen.

Notice I say, "I think you've got the

most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

I haven't seen them yet.

I've been staring at your cans.

Now, Lanny.

- I can't believe he just said that.

- That is completely unacceptable.

Madam, I apologize.

I apologize, ladies and gentlemen...

...for my friend. You cannot

speak that way to a stranger.

Look, her husband's not offended.

- He's not?

- No, her husband's not offended.

Her husband's not here.

This lucky guy is her boyfriend.

And even he's not offended,

and do you know why?

Well, I can certainly hazard a guess.

What the hell is that? For chrissake,

Vince, this is America.

We don't say, "hazard a guess."

We say "yes" or we say "no."

Well, I say "no" to you, Morris.

Excuse me?

Could you repeat that?

I don't think

the entire audience heard you.

Go back to where

you came from, bastard!

I get hecklers all the time,

but this schmuck came off personal.

Where did he think I came from?

Bastard! Bastard!

He called me a bastard.

Now, it doesn't show

from the front, Lanny.

Now, please, would you kindly not

mount me? It's very disagreeable.

Vince plunges straight into

quoting lines I wrote...

... from a song

from our first motion picture.

I happen to be honored

to work with this jerk

Is that a compliment?

I never frown with this clown

Never, never, never.

I get a kick from this...

... friend of mine

Fine, but don't give

the mike to this kike.

- Well...

- Just relax.

It's not often we get topped by

a member of our audience, but...

...this gentleman has

done the impossible.

What is your name?

- It's Joe.

- Joe...

...we were just wondering

if you'd be a great sport...

...and help us out on stage.

What do you say, folks?

Go on.

Joe here is going to play

a crazy high school professor...

...who's about to give Lanny

and I our final high school exam.

So if you'll just excuse us while

we help Joe change into his...

...crazy-professor outfit.

Lanny, a little

costume-changing music...

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