When the Daltons Rode

There she stretches, a wide-open country...

facin' what some history fellers

are bound to call a restless period.

Nobody seems to know

what started people...

pullin'up stakes and shiftin'about.

But every day,

they're pushin'past the Missouri...

and across the rollin'Kansas plains...

stoppin'here and there

to build a settlement or a railroad...

ploughin'fields, raisin'a crop,

then movin'on again...

their eyes fixed

on the shinin'mountains.

Cattle drives block their paths sometimes.

Outlaws turn back the faint-hearted.

Still, they roll on westward

in covered wagons...

on horseback and afoot...

every man jack lookin'

for somethin'different-

some for land

to replace worn-out acres...

some for new opportunities,

and some probably just for the devil of it.

Yes, sir, here it is, 1891.

You'd think everybody'd gone

where he was goin'.

Why, right here in

this little Kansas town...

there ain't a day

people don't pack up and start out...

east or west...

dependin' on how they feel...

bringin' their wagons here

for me to patch up and mend...

Ioad with axle grease.

Then they're off again.

Thanks for the outline

of American history...

but all I asked was,

where do the Daltons live?

Fine folks, the Daltons.

You a friend of theirs?

Knew 'em 20 years ago back in Missouri.

That so?

Too bad about Frank gettin' killed

by outlaws in Indian territory.

He was the marshal down there.

Got elected the year

Annie married Tom Freeman.

I understand Ben

has a farm around here.

It's the best farm in the county.

If they'd only run a few cattle

on that lower 40.

But you can't tell Ben nothin',

nor Bob either for that matter.

And once you get in an argument

with Grat, you got Emmett in your hair.

You couldn't be persuaded to tell me

where the Daltons live, could you?

I've only got a few hours

before the stage leaves for Guthrie.

What you wanna go to Guthrie for?

- Well, I've got business-

- I wouldn't be hung in that town.

I got drunk there once with an Indian.

Like to had smallpox.

Listen.

If I ask you just one question,

will you answer "yes" or "no"?

Well, I'd be glad to, stranger.

Is the Dalton farm close to town?

- Yes.

- Good.

And no.

It's two miles out on the state road.

But the bridge

across Wash Creek's down...

so you gotta take

the Franklinville Pike...

as far as the schoolhouse.

- The schoolhouse, hmm?

- You'll see a windmill there.

A windmill.

But that's Jim Carter's,

and he's gone to Kansas City.

- But there's a road down that goes-

- Thanks very much, but I think I can find it.

If you're gonna be around here

for a while, young fella, look me up.

We'll get together

and swap stories.

I'm not stayin' that long.

Gabby sort of a feller.

Uh, you on the end,

move over a little.

Little more, please.

Little more.

You see anything green

around here?

- Sorry, it was funny.

- You better dry up and blow away.

Now, Nancy! I'm goin'!

Now- Get away from me!

Let go! Look out!

- That gun's liable to go off!

- Now, Nancy-

Nancy, don't you do anything

you'll be sorry for!

I won't. But if you don't

get away from there...

you baby-faced prairie dog,

I'll shoot ya right through that fella's vest!

No!

Come on!

Get away from there, you coward!

I'll teach you to run around

with that fuzzy-headed blonde!

- Leave me alone! Let go!

- If we get shot, mister, it's all your fault!

Give me that gun, Nancy.

Not until I've had one more shot

at that overstuffed tomcat.

Carryin' on with another woman!

And his kisses still hot on my lips!

Why, that-

Come here, come here, come here.

I'll cool him off.

Where are those supplies I sent you for?

S-So help me, Bob...

I was goin' after 'em

when I was waylaid.

Well, you'll start waylaying a new job

if you don't get movin'. Go on!

Well, I'm goin'.

- Come on! Give me that gun, just for one more shot!

- Come on, Nancy. Come on.

- Just one more!

- Come on. Come on.

- Help! Save me, mister! Save me!

Don't let him shoot me!

Come on! Get out from behind there,

you yellow little pup!

Oh, he's got an awful temper!

Don't let him shoot-

Look out!

Sorry.

- It was funny, wasn't it?

- Yeah!

It was kind of funny.

But I know a funnier one.

Hey, what is this?

- Hey. Come on.

- Let me up!

- Thinks he's a funny guy! Punch ya-

- Why, what's going on?

How'd you come to go in there?

If you ain't a sight!

Can't you keep out of trouble

even on my birthday?

- Ah, I slipped, Ma.

- Ah, you slipped!

And you, Emmett.

Look at that shirt!

And just when the man's all ready

to take our picture.

- Why didn't you stop him, Bob?

- I did, Ma, but-

That's the fella that started it.

The idea of a grown man

picking on a boy! I'd like to-

- Don't hit 'im, Ma.

- Yeah, come on.

Maybe you'd like to try that again.

- What is this, the best two out of three?

- Any way you want it!

- Now, wait a minute! Wait a minute!

- Ah, listen, you-

Grat, stop it!

Let's get the picture taken.

- I got ploughin' to do.

- Wait a minute.

Bob, Grat, Emmett, Ben?

- Yeah?

- Dalton?

- Yeah.

You wanna make somethin' out of it?

And to think

I didn't recognize that brogue.

- What brogue?

- Happy birthday, Ma Dalton.

- You-

- Just a moment!

I'll handle this meself.

- Young man, I ought to slap you.

- It wouldn't be the first time, Ma.

Remember the scrawny kid on the

next farm that gave you all the mumps?

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