Wet Hot American Summer Page #2

Okay, okay. Okay, cool.

I've seen more f***ed-up sh*t happen

in five minutes out there...

than you'll see in your whole f***ing life.

Gene, I'm really sorry, you know.

If I could change history, I would.

F*** you! We need to make eight gallons

of bug juice by snack hour.

Do you know where

the powder packets are?

In the pantry over the sink, right

next to my bottle of dick cream!

Wait.

Ignore that last comment.

- Did you say dick cream?

- No.

I said stick team.

You know, stickball? Forget about it.

Go away! Leave me alone.

I'm pretty sure he said

dick cream, but...

Victor.

I need you and Neil to take The Eagles out

on Moose river. I made them a promise.

It's the last day of camp.

It's not gonna work for me.

- It's not gonna work for you?

- No.

It's not gonna work for you. Okay,

how about this as a compromise?

The Eagles are going to

go out on Moose river...

- and you and Neil are

going to take them. - What?

Everybody focus up. All eyes here.

I would like to announce that

Ben and I are planning to

produce a musical number...

from godspell for the talent show tonight.

I'm sorry. Ben is producing, I am

directing/choreographing.

I'm speaking from personal experience,

but if you can't carry a tune...

don't come to the audition

and waste our time.

- We're serious.

- And bring a lot of movement clothes,

A.K.A. jazz shoes,

dance belts, lycras, et al.

and seriously, F.Y.I., you guys,

this is not an excuse to get out

of your regular activities.

This is an excuse to do

some good musical theater.

So, be prepared, be enthusiastic...

and leave your bullshit

attitude and baggage at the

door, 'cause we don't need it!

Hey, you guys!

Oh, I was thinking maybe

we could take a walk later,

maybe go out to Gunner's Pass

one last time.

Goddamn it, Katie! You're suffocating me!

I'm chokin', all right?

Give me some breathing room.

I just want to spend some time with you.

It's our last day at camp.

- My butt itches.

- What are you talking about?

- We're soul mates, right?

- What? Yeah.

Whatever, if you want.

J.J., save me a waffle, man.

Andy, I'm serious. Come on.

I just want it to be special.

F*** you, dyke!

- Why are you being such an a**hole?

- I gotta finish my breakfast.

I love you, baby. So good talking to you.

Yeah, see you in macrame.

One last, successful B.K.F.S.T...

becomes one for the record books.

And with t-minus 11 hours

to the big talent show,

we sail on aboard

the good ship Firewood...

toward a little oasis

that I like to call...

morning activity time.

What's going on with Silas?

You didn't hear? He got kicked

out of camp. - Why?

He snuck into the office and videotaped

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