Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins

---

FEMALE ANNOUNCER.:

Lights, camera, access.

O'DELL.:
Yes, it's true.

The master of midday TV

goes prime time.

Talk show host Dr. RJ Stevens

has popped the question

to Bianca Kittles,

recent winner

of Survivor:
Kiribati.

What's good, family?

The Doctor's show,

with his irreverent guests...

I've been banging your sister.

(SCREAMING)

... party-like atmosphere and

his "Team of Me" philosophy...

The team of who?

ALL:
Me!

Rely on yourself.

... has gotten a significant

ratings boost

since news of his impending

nuptials became public.

This is, no doubt, welcome

news to the ultra-competitive,

glammed-out Bianca.

The TV reality star

used every asset she possessed

to outwit, outplay

and outlast the competition

on her quest

for the million bucks.

It's a Q-rating bonanza,

as these two

couldn't be more

perfectly matched.

Life is good

for the good doctor.

Wow.

ANNOUNCER.:
(WHISPERING)

On access.

That was fabulous!

Honey, I'm so

proud of you.

Thank you.

You're such a star.

Isn't he a star?

(ALL CHEERING)

He is a superstar.

Now, that is how

you announce your engagement!

That was genius.

You're the talk

of the town!

WOMAN:
Hey, RJ.

Could you imagine this

five years ago, bro?

With a girl like that?

Hell, no.

Hit show,

big mansion on the block.

Now I'm international.

You look great,

by the way.

Sh*t, man,

that's all this tofu

Bianca got me eating.

Besides the hunger pains,

being a vegan is the sh*t.

(LAUGHING)

Cheers.

Honey! Telephone.

Get going.

BIANCA:
That sounds

wonderful. I can't wait.

Great.

Well, it's nice

speaking to you.

Okay, hold on.

It's your mom.

Hurry up. Talk.

We still have guests.

Hi!

WOMAN:
Hi there!

You made it. Oh, my God.

You look amazing!

Hey, Mama.

Well, hello, stranger.

We're just beginning to think

you just forgot all about us.

No, Mama. I can't forget

my number one girl.

(CHUCKLES)

And I didn't forget

your anniversary, either.

I sent y'all

a 50" plasma TV.

One inch for every year.

That's sweet, baby.

But we'd much rather

meet Blanca.

She sounds so nice.

(LAUGHS) Bianca, Mama.

Not Blanca.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought it was Blanca.

Well, baby,

you know

it's our 50th anniversary.

Mama, I don't think

we're gonna be able

to make it.

Jamaal, you know,

he's got this

big soccer game.

The boy loves himself

some soccer, Mama.

I know.

He talks to Papa

all the time.

Jamaal and Daddy

have been talking?

And writing letters.

Lord... You know,

we haven't seen that child

since he was a baby.

You've just got to come.

Everybody's coming.

We got Ellie

and Cleavon,

Clyde and Lucinda and...

Lucinda?

Oh, yes.

Lucinda and Clyde?

Mmm-hmm.

They're coming together?

I forgot to tell you.

But I... I thought...

PAPA.:

That's a lot

of questions, boy.

Hey, Daddy.

Especially from someone

who has shown very little

interest in his family.

Yes, sir, but I...

If you can find

the time to explore

"The Mind Of A Stripper"

or "Sisters Gone Wild"

with your so-called "family,"

then you can find

the time to spend

with your actual family.

So you've been watching!

Boy, don't disappoint

your mother.

(SIGHS)

(REFEREE BLOWING WHISTLE)

RJ:
Go, Jamaal!

There you go,

there you go!

Boy, that

kid's good.

Right. Move.

Push it!

Come on, get it,

get it, get it, get it!

Right there!

Let it go, Jamaal!

That's a winner, Jamaal!

(WHOOPING)

(LAUGHS)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

MARTY:
Hey, RJ, I'll see you

later, man. Okay, take care.

You tell Jamaal I said bye.

Jamaal, way to go.

Way to go. That's

how you do that.

Good going, guys!

Yeah!

(WHOOPING)

That's my boy.

That's my boy.

That's a lot of

running for one goal.

But, hey, at least you hit it.

Dad, you should

come more often.

Hey, I'm here.

Dad, why don't you want to go

to Dry Springs?

(SIGHS) Come on.

Not you, too.

Papa Jenkins says

Dry Springs is awesome.

He said all my cousins'll

be there and I'd have

a lot of fun.

Oh, really?

What else do

y'all talk about?

I don't know.

School, my friends,

soccer, global warming.

Global warming?

We talk about a lot of stuff.

He's really cool.

Can't we please go?

I'll think about it, Jamaal.

Oh. Talk it over

with the boss, first.

Boss?

(SCOFFS)

Son, men run things

in a relationship.

And between us men,

never let a woman tell you

what to do, and how to do it.

Your dad's

in complete control.

(RJ SCREAMING)

BIANCA:

Who's in control?

Tell me.

Who's in control?

I don't know!

Take me higher,

you can do it!

(GASPING) Oh, no.

Come on. Take me. Harder!

Come on, lover!

(WHINING) Mama!

(IN A DEEP VOICE) Yes!

Oh, sh*t!

Push it!

What the hell are you...

Yes!

(GROANING)

(MUMBLING NONSENSICALLY)

BIANCA:
Oh.

Speaking in tongues.

That's a first.

(BIANCA SIGHS)

I'm so proud of you.

(BIANCA EXHALES)

I want to look hot

for your family.

So now...

Time for my seven miles.

(TREADMILL WHIRRING)

Can you untie me first?

Babe?

Babe! Babe...

It's all done.

I booked the tickets.

Honey?

I'm hearing a tinge

of doubt in your voice.

I'm cool. You know, it's...

It'll be four days, then

we get back to our lives.

Exactly.

This will solidify

our union to the world.

We'll tape your parents'

banquet, you make a heartfelt

speech, and the ratings?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, my God!

(BIANCA SIGHS)

Yeah.

"Country boy done good

returns home with

his Survivor queen."

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