We Love You Page #2

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and say, "That guy"

and go home and bang.

- And we do.

- That's it.

I want to be gay.

It's so progressive.

I don't think

that's how it works.

It works for him.

Perfect, bam.

So nobody gets hurt?

Okay, getting hurt

is not out of the question,

but for us, it's not like

you straight weirdos.

You must learn

to press past your fears.

When you do, life will

unfold before you

in the most beautiful

of ways.

I once mercy-banged

an elderly Scottish woman.

Saved my life.

Okay, that's a story

I want to hear about.

- Yeah.

- Pictures.

I'm just not, like,

a "hit on a girl

at a bar" kind of guy.

We know; it's 'cause you're

a "get in a relationship

"and then get broken up with

and then cry about it

to your friends"

kind of guy.

That is so harsh.

Bye, baby.

How could you do that?

You just lost your chance.

I should have talked

to her.

Noah, you have to take

some swings.

Otherwise, it's always

gonna be like prom.

Noah was standing in a corner

in a bad-fitting suit

looking all desperate

and sad and pathetic.

My suit fit very well.

That's it.

What is more sexual for the American

adolescents than the senior prom?

We will create

a prom night for this Tight.

Hmm?

Sir.

Have you tried Tight

by Bro Spray?

It's free.

So excited.

You guys having

a good time tonight?

Are you texting a hot guy?

No, I'm actually

making an app.

It's like... okay, you take

a picture of your face,

and then you scroll this bar

farther and farther,

and you get older and older

until you're dead.

And then you can scroll

backwards till you're a fetus.

Wow, that's...

amazing.

It's only working

to middle age right now,

but you'll be dead

before you know it.

Oh.

On the app,

not in real life.

I think you're great alive.

That's great.

People are waiting.

You need to get out there

and test the waters,

see how the Tight water

is floating.

Don't be the kitty

afraid of the titty.

Go milk.

Ha!

He likes to punch me.

Oh!

It's Bro Spray.

Really?

Ooh, that's awful.

It smells like...

- It smells like...

- Good stuff.

No, like, Fruit Stripe gum

mixed with, like, hot tar.

It's what we're selling.

Get out there

and holler at the honeys

or whatever it is

you frat boys do.

Make it look like

this stuff works.

Ford out.

Could I take you up

on that killing offer?

I thought you'd never ask.

I know it was awkward before,

but yes, sure, definitely.

Let's do that.

But have a little fun first.

Good luck.

Yeah.

What is that great smell?

Oh, it's me.

Here, smell, smell.

Oh, you look like a girl

that wants to smell me.

Come here, girl.

Hello, miss.

I am wearing a sexual fragrance,

and I... yeah.

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