Wasteland Page #2

Say it any louder, I'll swallow you,

you scrawny little twat.

- You two pack it in, yeah?

- We're meant to be celebrating.

Sorry, Harvey.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

So I hear it's true, Harvey,

prison does do things to a man.

You what?

- I were worried, had to tell them.

- Tell them what?

Despite the fact it's been a year

since you've even seen a bird,

you haven't once mentioned

the need to get your knob felt.

Sex, Harvey, by a woman.

I must've slowed down to three mile per hour

going past the massage parlour

on Sheffield Road, trying to drop the hint.

- Nothing.

- Have you ever been in that place?

- Those Thai girls aren't girls.

- Are you f***ing serious?

Look at his f***ing face. He loves

a f***ing Thai lady boy, though, that one.

Yeah, don't worry. I'll make a move soon.

So it's not because you're saving yourself

for anyone in particular.

No, that's well over, Demps.

We were just wondering whether

you were gonna try for a reconciliation.

No, too much time's passed.

Don't even know her any more.

She knows the me she don't like.

See, the reason I ask is that she's sat

on the edge of the dance floor, alone.

And to the best of my knowledge,

she's not a regular here.

- Where?

- She's right there.

- F***ing hell.

- Looking good, isn't she, mate?

- She always looked good.

- Too good for you.

- What you waiting for?

- I'm not gonna talk to her.

- Why not?

- What would I say?

- I'd rather a "hello"?

- Realistically.

A million things.

It's not like there's no history there.

- No, there's too much.

- History, Harvey, is just oils on a canvas.

You own the paint, so you get to change your own picture.

Where the f*** did you get that?

Dear Deirdre. Doesn't mean it's not true.

The worst thing about history, Harvey,

is that people only tend to look at it

through the tearful eyes of regret.

- Oh, God, stop now, you sleazy bastard.

- Oh, you are so full of sh*t.

Go and talk to her.

- Give her one from me, pal.

- "Give her one from me"? How profound.

- F*** off, Charlie.

- Budge up.

Look at the sleaze go past.

Oh, it's all over me trousers.

It's good to have you back, mate.

Here, that's the key to our flat.

I suggest that if you do have

a little sleepover with the lady,

you do it at her gaff,

because you're in the sitting room.

- Shut the f*** up.

- Your problem is your bird.

You need to get it right.

She came on to me knowing.

Because you're not talking to me.

I told you, you speak again, I'm gonna knock you out.

You're not talking to me 'cause a

bird is getting in between our relationship.

Must be further than it looks.

Seemed to take you forever to make it over here.

Yeah, I think I look good too.

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