Waltz of the Toreadors Page #2

Yes, I know, my boy,

but they're the wrong ones, unfortunately.

Sit down, Robert. Sit down.

Now, where were we?

Relations between

the Sultan and the government, sir.

Oh, yes, yes.

Yes, that was the day

they made off with two of our missionaries.

Yes. You see, they got hold of these two fellas,

had a bit of fun with them,

sent them back dead as mutton,

minus...one or two of their spare parts.

Of course it was an insult to the flag.

I should say it was, sir.

Yes, it certainly was.

We had to mount an expedition.

But, oh, my boy, Robert,

what a campaign that was! What a campaign!

We got our money's worth

for those two angel-makers.

The heathens we ran through.

Good clean steel, you see, my boy,

and none of your bloody nonsense.

Slaughtered the lot of them left, right and centre.

Yes.

Yes. Then there was the women.

- Oh, yes, sir?

-Yes.

Those native girls.

Little things, crouching naked - little minxes

with the devil in their eyes,

limbs like silk, and the figures, my lad.

You, your sword still steaming in your hand.

You've killed. You're the master.

She knows it, you know it.

There in the hot, dark tent.

The two of you

alone.

The hot, dark tent?

Hm? What?

Er, what...what happened then, sir?

Well, damn it all, Robert, we're not savages.

We er...turned them over

to the Sisters of Mercy at Rabat.

Blast. There's that Grogan

ruining the memoirs again.

Ah, I see you're doing

your scientific research again, Dr Grogan.

- Yes.

- What's the matter with her this time?

Well, there's a little leak in the top radiator.

There's a water pump at the bottom,

and when the water goes up...

Would you like me to tell you

about my old stallion's fetlocks?

- I see you've got your blues on.

- Yes, put'em on.

And how's the invalid? Any scenes today, hm?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

A small one, and I took your advice.

- I closed the door on her.

- Good, good.

The only reason she won't walk

is to rouse your pity and stop you leaving her.

Ah, it's blackmail, that's what it is, blackmail.

To think I once loved her.

Huh. It's happened to all of us, General.

Yes, because before becoming

a professional invalid,

Emily had quite an amorous disposition,

you know.

- Really?

- Yes.

Did I ever tell you she was an opera singer?

- Often.

- Yes.

- Of course, I made her give it all up.

- And now she hates you for it.

Well, I don't see why. She's gone on

giving the same performance for 20 years.

Just for me.

- A little wearing, General.

- Yes.

- Where's your coat?

- I left it in the car.

Shall I answer it, sir?

No, ignore it, my boy, ignore it,

and close the door, for God's sake.

- Very good, sir.

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