Waiting For Guffman Page #2

wasbarefoot in the park,

which was an absolute smash,

but my production

on the stage ofbackdraft

was what really

got them excited.

This whole idea of

in-your-face theater

really affected them.

The conceptualization,

the whole abstraction,

the obtuseness

of this production to me

was what was interesting.

I wanted the audience

to feel the heat from the fire,

the fear... because people

don't like fire poked,

poked in their noses.

You know, when you get

a cinder from barbecue

right on the end

of your nose

and you kind of make

that little face.

That's not a good thing.

I wanted to have

the sense memory of that.

So during the show,

i had someone

burn newspapers

and... and send it through

the vents in the theater.

Well, they freaked out.

Of course, the fire marshal

came over,

and they shut us down

for a couple of days.

Mr. Bluestein,

montezuma's revenge

is nothing more

than good old-fashioned

american diarrhea.

Adult diapers

should never even

enter the picture.

So you lose

a few pounds.

My mom used to say

that blaine

is a little town

with a big heart

in the heart

of a big country.

And, to me, blaine

is a kind of town

where i can have

my own business,

meet and marry a wonderful

woman like sheila,

and... and be something,

be somebody.

Some people

find it ironical

that even though

we run a travel agency,

we've never been

outside of blaine.

With one exception.

Well, we've never

been out...

you left blaine.

Well, i went

to jefferson city once.

It was a...

tell them why.

It was a medical reason.

You can tell 'em.

Just minor surgery.

I've been

working here at the d.q.

For about, um...

I don't know.

Something like that.

It's fun.

You just do the cones.

Make sundaes,

make blizzards, and...

put stuff on 'em and...

see a lot of people come in.

A lot of people

come to the d.q.

Burgers. Ice cream.

Anything, you know?

Cokes. Just drive in

and get a coke,

if you're thirsty.

Everybody thinks that roswell

was the first sighting

of a ufo

in the united states,

and that's bull roar.

We had the first sighting

here in 1946.

And it wasrt just a sighting.

They didn't just fly by.

They stopped. They landed.

The people in blaine

went onboard the ship

for a potluck dinner.

I've been coming out

to this landing site

every day for 2 years

to measure it.

And here's the thing...

the circumference

and the diameter change

by a few inches,

yet the radius

remains the same.

Which brings me back

to the number 5.

There are 5 letters

in the name "blaine."

Mix the word "blaine" up,

mix it around,

eventually,

you'll get "nebali."

Neball...

the name of the planet

in a galaxy way, way...

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