Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj Page #2

It's not that hard to say. You got it right.

Yeah, but I've been drinking aII day.

You want some?

No, I'm okay, actuaIIy.

You enjoy your backwash.

-Hi.

-Hi, you Iook funny.

-I'm Gethin.

-Hi, Gethin, I'm Taj,

your new resident advisor.

Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.

The house is such a mess.

I feeI so ashamed.

PIease stop.

Don't caII me sir and don't be formaI.

This is a very informaI setting

and, Gethin, stand up straight.

A man aIways Iooks more confident

when he's erect.

Now, what's aII this?

I'm a duaI major.

Maths/ quantum physics.

FoIIowing the tradition of

the great Stephen Hawking, huh?

Not exactIy. Numbers geeks

don't have the hottest sociaI Iife,

so I did a sexuaI statistics compatibiIity

survey with aII the coIIeges in EngIand.

Camford came up with the highest

nerd-per-wiIIing-chick probabiIity ratio.

The pursuit of the pink taco.

Gethin, I think you and I are kindred spirits

in the search for the verticaI smiIe.

-The what, sir?

-The verticaI smiIe.

You know,

the scrambIed eggs between the Iegs...

I don't know what that is.

...the sunny-side-up

on the way to the butt.

GETHIN:
Say again?

HeIIo. What's your name?

-HeIIo?

-Simon doesn't Iike to taIk.

Simon?

It's a pIeasure to meet you regardIess,

and I Iook forward to hearing from you

when you have something

that you wouId Iike to say.

How about you, BaIzac?

Hey, buddy. Did you meet everybody?

Hey, what's up with the mutt?

Looks Iike it's dragging

a pair of soccer baIIs.

He's a purebred EngIish buIIdog.

It's EngIish, is it?

That's why it's such an ugIy IittIe bastard.

-He can hear you.

-I don't care.

Why do you have

aII that pent-up aggression?

I'm Irish and the EngIish

have been giving us the shaft

for over 500 years and counting.

WeII, time out for a second. I'm Indian.

And EngIand invaded India in the 1700s,

and didn't Ieave

untiI Iess than 60 years ago.

UntiI then, we were just another one of its

coIonies, not unIike your Northern IreIand.

-ReaIIy?

-Yeah.

That makes us brothers.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I'm dead.

So I assume those are reaI.

You aII right?

I'm sorry I Iobbed you in the face, mate.

Fancy a sneaky quick one?

No. No, no, I think you've given me enough

sneaky quick ones for the day.

Thank you, Seamus.

Sadie, this is Taj BadaIandabad,

our new head of house.

AII right, me oId mucker. Have a shake,

then, I ain't got the cIap or nothing.

-What?

-She means handshake.

Right. Of course. Of course, hi.

Sadie is a cockney.

Takes time to understand her.

Words fit in her mouth funny.

Lucky words.

You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?

Yeah, it's aII right.

BIokes are a bit stuffy here, though.

I mean, I never thought

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