Up The Down Staircase Page #3

thought it up.

You can just take any seat.

Do you have a pencil?

Get out of here. l want to sit down.

You hear me? l ain't playing with you.

Come on, man. Get out of here.

l'm Beatrice Schacter.

We're in the same department.

How do you do?

-Hello there, how are you?

-l'm fine, thank you.

l'm Henrietta Pastorfield. Thanks.

How did you make out

with the program list?

l got through it.

l got through 16 of the 20.

And l've been here 16 years.

Four years more

and l expect to have a perfect record.

lf l last.

l've only got 12 this year.

Eight for me.

As usual, the white kids don't trust me.

Negro kids think

l've sold out to the whites.

l've managed 18.

Eleven.

Two and a half.

l had planned a little talk

on first impressions,

and from that

l would make a good case for diction,

correct usage and self expression

and from that it would just be one step

to the limitless realm of creativity.

And then to communication

between student and teacher.

And finally, mutual respect and even love.

l like the part about limitless realm.

Kid them along, make it a game.

l have a new one this year.

Hospital spelling.

Misspelled words are the patients

and the kids are the doctors

and the nurses.

Why aren't you eating your lunch?

Well, l just can't seem to face

mashed potatoes at 10:17 in the morning.

ln future, try Jell-O.

lt gives you energy,

but it doesn't require an appetite.

Ever tried Punctuation Sex, Henrietta?

Hyphens are kisses,

commas are ''maybe's''

and a period is a definite ''no.''

And then, of course,

there's the limitless realm

of semicolons and apostrophes.

l shudder to think

what an exclamation point might mean.

l don't care. lt keeps them off the streets,

and you give them a bit of fun

and you've earned your keep.

Have you met Paul Barringer?

The glamour boy

of the English Department.

Unpublished writer.

Dangerous. You're on your own.

Your education

has been planned and geared

to arm you and prepare you

to function as mature

and thinking citizens,

capable of shouldering

the burdens and responsibilities

which a thriving democracy imposes.

lt is through you

and others like you...

We have no doubt

that our aims and efforts in this direction

will bear fruit

and achieve the goals and objectives

set forth,

for in the miniature democracy

of our school,

you are proving yourselves

worthy and deserving of our trust

and expectations.

Any announcements, Mr. McHabe?

A blue Pontiac parked

in front of the school has been overturned.

Anybody having knowledge

of the perpetrators,

please report to me

directly after assembly.

Hey!

Silence while exiting!

Silence while exiting!

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