Unseen + Untold: National Lampoon's Animal House Page #2

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and kick those punks off campus!

What do you intend to do, sir?

Delta's already on probation.

They are?

Yes, sir.

Oh...

Then as of now,

they're on double secret probation!

Double secret probation, sir?

There is a little-known codicil

in the Faber College Constitution...

which gives the Dean

unlimited power to preserve order...

in time of campus emergency.

Find me a way to revoke Delta's charter.

You live next door.

Put Neidermeyer on it.

He's a sneaky little sh*t just like you, right?

The time has come for someone

to put his foot down.

And that foot is me.

Larry Kroger. All in favour.

We need the dues.

Good. Larry Kroger is now a pledge

to Delta. Next slide, please.

Just a minute! Just settle down!

This is Kent Dorfman.

He's a legacy from Harrisburg.

Now wait a minute!

Okay, this guy is a real zero. That's true.

Think back to when you were freshmen.

Boon, you had a face

like a pepperoni pizza, right?

And Stork here. Everybody thought

that Stork was brain damaged.

I myself was so obnoxious...

the seniors beat me up once a week.

So this guy is a total loser?

Let me tell you the story of another loser.

Get up!

Let's go! On your feet!

"I..." State your name.

I... state your name.

"...do hereby pledge allegiance to the frat."

...do hereby pledge allegiance to the frat.

"With liberty and fraternity for all."

Amen.

Sergeant at Arms...

do your duty.

From now on,

your Delta Tau Chi name is Weasel.

From now on your name is Mothball.

Kroger, your Delta Tau Chi name is Pinto.

- Why Pinto?

- Why not?

What's my Delta Tau Chi name?

Dorfman, I've given this a lot of thought.

From now on...

your name is Flounder.

Flounder?

We now consecrate

the bond of obedience.

Assume the position.

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

Thank you, sir. May I have another?

Now, what can we say...

of John Milton's...

Paradise Lost?

It's a long poem, written...

a long time ago, and I'm sure...

a lot of you have difficulty understanding...

exactly what Milton was trying to say.

Certainly we know that he was trying to...

describe the struggle

between good and evil, right?

Okay.

The most intriguing character,

as we all know from our reading, was...

Satan.

Now was Milton trying to tell us...

that being bad was more fun

than being good?

Okay.

Don't write this down,

but I find Milton probably...

as boring as you find Milton.

Mrs. Milton found him boring, too.

He's a little bit long-winded...

he doesn't translate very well into

our generation, and his jokes are terrible.

But that doesn't relieve you

from your responsibility for this material.

I'm waiting for reports from some of you.

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