Uncle Nick Page #2

Hi!

Um, I didn't hear

the doorbell ring

and you're early.

Um, dinner is at 6.

It's 3.

- We're family now.

- Oh.

Uhh... ugh...

okay...

I can take your coat.

- Nah, I'm good.

Hey, doc, I got a question.

Um, I have this little pain

and then the skin feels tight

and weird and then there's,

like, an indentation.

- Um, that's a stretch mark.

You're gaining weight.

- Awesome.

Saved me a co-pay.

- There is a difference

between pharmaceutical sales

and being a doctor.

- Can you sell me some Vicodin?

- No.

- How about a little Viagra?

For a buddy.

- Okay, I'm going

to let you get to it.

- I have to check on

the cookies.

Joy to the world

The Lord is come

Let Earth receive her King

- Uncle Nick!

- Hey, girl.

What's crack-a-lackin'...?

- Ugh, I'm just making

this popcorn garland.

So, uh, what's in the bags?

- It's just some gifts

for White Elephant...

and some drinks for the adults.

- I'm an adult.

- No, don't even think about it.

- But Mom, it's Christmas.

- Yeah.

Come on, Mom.

- I'm sorry, I said no.

- How about wine with dinner?

- Yeah.

Dad lets me have a glass.

- Well, then why don't you

go to his house?

If you want to spend

Christmas Eve with your father

instead of your family,

be my guest.

- Dad is my family.

- You know what I mean.

- Whoa, whoa, ladies,

let's save the fighting for

when we're all drunk, huh?

- Nick, please.

- Before the

game had even started,

firecrackers and smoke bombs

were set off in the stands.

A hazy, murky cloud began to

drift over the game's attendees.

They were drinking cheap beer

and making their

own entertainment.

The first person

to run on the field

was a large woman

with an ample bosom.

The crowd loved it.

She tried to put moves

on umpire Nestor Chilack.

He rejected her affections.

That was only the first display

of nudity from the crowd.

This streaker found

an interesting way

to get some painful abrasions.

- Great house, man.

It looks like a Pottery Barn

f***ed a Restoration Hardware

in here.

In a good way.

I hope we have enough.

To Dad.

- To Dad.

- What's the matter,

you can't put 'em back anymore?

- Oh, the funny old man.

- Well, baby brother,

where do you keep that

fruity sh*t you drink?

- Got a little wine cellar

in the basement,

if that's what you mean.

- Dude, what the f***

is a tannin anyway?

- It's complicated.

- Well, maybe you could

explain it to me

like I'm some dried-up

Lakewood hag.

- I don't work at the

wine bar anymore.

- Oh, that's right,

you're a stay-at-home mom now.

Is that like when you used

to stay home from school

and sit around all day

watching The Price ls Right,

f***ing the couch?

"Uh, uh...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes