Two Night Stand Page #4

---

back into the tube... you can't do it.

It is out there.

I have seen your penis.

You've implied I'm a slut.

Those are big things.

Did you just call my penis big?

No, no, I did not. I called the

implication of your penis big.

Well, it's still nice to hear.

You can't just... erase the

fact that two people had sex.

I think you underestimate us.

Hi, I'm Alec.

I'm Megan.

Megan, it's very nice to meet you.

What do you do for a living?

Oh, Jesus, that...

that's what we're doing? No.

Seriously, already?

We just started. Okay.

We are monitoring the

situation very closely.

We're experiencing massive shutdowns

all over the Tristate area.

That includes Dutchess County,

Harlan County,

Bronson County, Middlebrook County...

Monmouth County...

Wow, how the time flies.

Poughkeepsie... Montauk...

Bing... Bing... Binghamton,

New Paltz.

New Paltz.

What's the capital of New York?

All right, we'll try again,

but there are rules.

No upsetting questions.

- I didn't realize it was one.

- Well, now you do.

Okay, I am trying very hard

to think of a question

that could in no way be

construed as upsetting.

Do you like dogs?

Perfectly non-upsetting question,

good job... yes. I like dogs.

Me too.

I have to use the restroom.

That's allowed. That's allowed.

What?

Damaged?

You don't know me.

Do you... possibly have headphones?

Thank you.

- Megan?

- What happened?

What happened, you happened.

What is that?

God!

Don't worry about it,

I'll take care of it.

No, no, no, no, you just... you step away,

you are not cleaning that up.

You will just hold it over my head,

go to your room.

I can handle this.

Gross.

Cold and gross.

- It just keeps coming.

- Hey, you gotta turn the knob!

No, I mean the punishments

from the universe.

It's a flood, it's practically biblical.

- Where the f*** is your plunger?

- It should be right next to the...

Sh*t, I let my buddy

borrow my plunger, dammit.

That's why you never let your

friends borrow plungers.

There's like a thousand reasons.

Look, just shut the door.

I'll deal with it later.

Hey, I just thought of an idea

that could fix everything.

Do you want to get high?

Yeah, me neither, that was just a test.

Didn't know if you were a cop.

Yep, I'm going to do it, I'm going to

get high. You don't care, do you?

Your apartment.

I'm warning you though,

you're about to think that I'm really cool.

My buddy made it. I don't know if you

can tell, but he smokes a lot of pot.

- I try to encourage his creativity.

- No, I think it fits you.

Sorry, I'd open a window,

but, you know...

It is a mystery why you

don't have a girlfriend.

Hey, I'm a catch.

I'll bet you 150 bucks

you're going to die alone.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote