Two Night Stand Page #3

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- Okay, f*** you, Megan.

- F*** you, back.

Okay.

What?

Sh*t!

Imagine a sleeping little

angel-faced angel...

Okay, no, I'm the angel.

And this angel is being woken up

by a f***ing junkyard dog

in a hot-girl body!

Okay, and that's my morning.

Look, I can't... Mom.

I will call you back.

Hi there, it's Alec, right?

What is it, a little snow outside? Yeah?

Well, New Yorkers... I don't want

to say that you guys are pussies

but seriously, you should see what

a winter in Minnesota looks like.

I'll get you a cab.

Holy sh*t, that is a lot of snow!

Hey, folks, I hope you aren't planning

on going anywhere anytime soon

'cause let me tell you something,

it ain't going to happen, okay?

We are seeing record snowfalls!

This thing came in overnight and has

New York City in a total whiteout!

We're talking about tens of thousands

of stranded holiday travelers.

The entire city transit

system is shut down.

The streets have not even been plowed.

The mayor's office is urging

people to stay indoors

and to avoid all nonessential travel.

So get cozy, folks,

because it's going to be a long weekend.

Faiza, you have to do something,

I cannot stay here. This is the worst.

Sweetie, are you even watching the news?

There's nothing we can do.

See how nice this is?

This could be every day.

But Cedric's an EMT, can he like...

helicopter me out of here or something?

Is that Cedric?

Is Cedric laughing at me?

No, no, no, no, no.

Okay, just make the best of it

and we'll rescue you as soon

as we can, okay, I promise.

No, no, no, no, I would not be here

if you did not slut me out!

Sorry, I can't hear you.

What?

I think the snow is messing with the...

with the sat... satellite.

- Okay, bye.

- Bye.

Faiza!

Grab that ass!

This storm is literally going to dump

all over the Tristate area.

Three to five feet of snow, maybe more.

In the poconos and the catskills,

we're talking up to 12 feet of snow.

It's the biggest blizzard

in the history of the world.

This is what I deserve, it's penance.

Wow, that is officially the worst review

my oatmeal has ever received.

It's what I get for slutting it up.

So you really think God made this

blizzard to punish you for being slutty?

No, I don't think God did it.

That's ridiculous.

I think my grandmother did,

and I just don't know how.

Right, that makes sense.

Well, I would prefer not

to spend the next 24 hours

in an uncomfortable silence with you,

so why don't we just pretend that

we never had sex? It didn't happen.

And then we can pretend

that it's just the weather

and not your passive-aggressive

magical grandmother.

No, that's like trying to get the toothpaste

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