Two For The Money

That's me.

That's my dad.

I remember that day.

And believe it or not, I remember that hit.

I remember it because of the smile

that spread over my dad's face.

Yeah, I'd have stood there all day

just to sink one.

Just to see that smile.

You see, to Pop, sports were a religion.

To me, it was about purity.

Sports was a place

where all wrongs could be made right.

I thought if I filled the whole house

with trophies for him, he'd stick around.

Well, I did.

He left before my tenth birthday.

The Championship

has come down to this final play.

The Sun Devils trail by four.

The ball on the Aztec 15.

Seven seconds left on the clock.

Settle it down.

Pro-right tiger. This is your game.

Now let's go. Let's go get 'em.

Now let's go! Let's go!

Sun Devils' ball.

First down and ten yards to go.

Here we go men last play.

It's fun time!

Pro-right tiger. Wide check. 532 double fly

on two Scottie. Guaranteed TD.

We gotta worry about one thing men.

After we win this game

they'll be putting cameras in your faces.

Don't give them "Hi Mom"s and sh*t.

It's overused.

You gotta thank somebody thank me.

- I'll see you in the end zone men. Ready?

- Break!

I was a quarterback

since peewee football -

set high-school records, won

state championships. This was pertect.

Coming at you 57.

Bowl game, national TV,

there were pro scouts in the stands,

and I knew exactly

what was gonna happen next.

Lang has led the Sun

Devils to four comebacks this season.

Can he do it?

Win their first bowl game in 12 years?

Lang barks the signals. The Aztecs have

eight in the box. They're showing blitz.

Lang takes the snap,

fades back into the pocket.

He looks for Ravis on the right.

Sherman breaks through.

Lang's in trouble. He shakes Sherman off,

nearly goes down.

He's looking to throw. Two seconds to go.

There he goes. He's going to run it.

He's got to get in the end zone.

And that safety is stepping up.

Can he make it?

- Touchdown!

- Argh!

My first thought was I could tape it

and play next week. Then I puked.

When do I play again Doc?

What's the rehab time?

I'm not sure son.

Football wasn't a sport.

It was my life.

And I wasn't gonna give up now.

I would play again.

In the meantime I needed ajob

to hold me over between tryouts.

Then one day, and it didn't take long,

six years had passed

and I woke up at the bottom.

"You have reached

the Jessica Simpson hotline.

"Jessica will tell you

about Nick's birthday party

"and a whole lot more about

her rocking new panty line at Wal-Mart.

"But first here's a little fan trivia

to win a VIP gold-package backstage pass

"to Jessica's Omnicon Hotel summer tour. "

- Lang.

- "The question... " I'm taping boss.

Look. I got a job for you. Bauer's sick.

I can't update his betting line.

- You know anything about sports?

- Yeah a little.

The racket had a lot of names.

This guy's gig was sports handicapping -

predicting winners for people who bet.

I was supposed tojust record his picks.

Thing was, I didn't agree with them.

No they're not.

Living in Las Vegas, it was easy to gauge

the temperature of the betting public.

The problem is they're usually wrong.

What's up Stu?

Where's all the action this weekend?

Tampa-Oakland.

Everyone's jumping on Oakland.

- That's crazy.

- You think?

Yeah man.

That game's gonna be won by coaching.

Gruden put that Oakland team together

before he came to Tampa.

He knows every strength and weakness.

Brown catches to his left so he'll have

him double-teamed to the defender's right.

Gannon throws on a three-step drop.

He'll stack the midfield with line backers

take away the short pass.

Gannon will throw three or four NTs Sunday.

F*** me.

- You took Oaktown?

- Yeah what do you think?

I think I gotta

save your ass one more time.

Take Tampa Bay on the money line.

They're gonna win this game outright.

- Bet 'em big.

- Thanks B.

Stu did bet 'em big,

and he won ten grand.

I was quickly becoming

the biggest 900 line in Vegas.

"Kansas City is seven to one against

point spread v division opponents

"coming off a Monday night game.

Take KC minus the six.

"Call tomorrow for my pro-football game

of the year. That's here at 900-656-3100.

"Until then this is Brandon Lang

saying good night and good gambling. "

Big plans this weekend?

There you go.

Steve. I went nine and two

on pro football Sunday

and hit my third straight

Monday-night parlay.

- It's worth 12 bucks an hour.

- Hey I don't make 12 an hour.

You're not picking 75%.

If you're that good why don't you

bet your own games get rich?

Send me a postcard from the riviera.

By Unwritten Law)

What's going on Denny?

Hey man. What's up?

Big bro's making them greenbacks.

How about you bro?

I scrounged up some old headers B.

Check it out. Fire it up.

All right here goes.

Jeez I'm late. Honey dinner's in the oven.

Where the hell's my lucky crucifix?

Oh I forgot to tell you. The mail came

and there's a letter for you from Chicago.

You just went there

for your tryout last week.

Another rejection letter.

"... strength of your knee in question. "

I only had two Arena teams left,

and after that there was always the CFL.

You can't save me

You can't change me

Well, I'm waiting for my wake-up call

And everything, everything's my fault

Whoa! So what do you think?

Should I ride shotgun

or do you want to hop on the handlebars?

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