Tucker and Dale vs Evil Page #2

Yeah, archae... Yeah.

Look at this.

Must have been a real news junkie, too.

Chubby's Chili Dog Depot?

Buy three, get two free. No expiration date.

- All right.

- Score!

Tucker, look! They got my favourite

board game here, too.

You know what?

I tell you something, Dale.

I cannot believe that I am standing

in my own vacation home right now.

You know something?

Dreams really do come true.

Look out!

- Whoa!

- Well, I guess we should fix that.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

You can get off me now.

If you have a reoccurring dream about sucking

a dick but never do it, are you gay?

- Yes.

- Really?

- Guys!

- Are you serious?

- What?

- You guys want to hear a scary story?

No!

Chuck, no.

- Absolutely not.

- That's not funny.

- You're such a liar.

- It happened to my cousins, I think.

Now, do you f***ers

want to hear a real story? Huh?

This story happened right here,

right in these very woods.

It was 20 years ago today.

The Memorial Day Massacre.

How a bunch of college kids...

just like us...

they came out here to have a good time...

but little did they know that they weren't

the only ones in these here woods.

Pump Up The Jam)

Pump it up

While your feet are stompin'.

And the jam is pumpin'...

J' Pump it up a little more.

J Get the party going on the dance Hoof.

J' See, cos that's where the...

Get another one! Come on!

J' I'm gonna meet my maker.

J' I ain't afraid to die.

- Hey, what the hell are you doing?

- Yeah, put that back on.

No, no.

This is cool, I like this.

Only one person lived to tell this story.

The rest of them just disappeared...

and their bodies are buried beneath us.

Hey! Hey! There's a lake back there.

Who wants to go skinny dipping?

- I do.

- Yeah.

- All right.

- I'm not getting naked.

Uh... That's OK, Tuck.

You take that. That's yours.

That's why you're never gonna

get ahead in life.

It's cos you don't stick up for yourself.

Do not even think about it.

- But you just said...

- Are you kidding me?

- OW!

- Are you serious?

What'd I just say?

- You said I gotta stick up for myself.

- I said, "Don't even think about it", though.

That was the last thing I said.

Hello?

Is someone there?

Guys?

Yargh!

God, Chad! What the hell are you doing?

- You are such an a**hole.

- Come on, that was funny.

No, it wasn't.

You got nothing to worry about, Allie.

It's just me.

You totally freaked me out.

You know, you can drop the act now.

- What act?

- Like you're better than everyone else.

- I don't think...

- Yeah, you do.

But that's OK, Allie, because I get it.

I mean, you are better than everyone else.

You and I, Allie...

are cut from a different cloth.

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