Trick 'r Treat

It's just candy.

Guess it's a good thing I got more.

Why don't you sit down,

stay for a minute?

-Oh, I can't. I have--

-Sit down, Charlie.

Your problem is simple.

You always wait for them to come to you.

If you just tried a little harder,

you wouldn't be a virgin at 22.

What? Excuse me?

It's practically stapled to your forehead.

Laurie, please,

do not listen to them, okay?

The key thing is to just be yourself.

Being myself hasn't gotten me very far.

Maybe I'm too old-fashioned, but I've

always wanted my first time to be--

-No, please, don't say it.

-Special.

Honey, listen, we've all been there,

but you can't hesitate.

Watch.

That's some big equipment

you've got there.

-Thank you.

-I'm Maria. This is Janet.

-And we have a small problem.

-Really?

We've got this great party to go to....

But we don't have any dates.

Here. Help yourself.

It's for the pumpkin, not you. Promise.

All of mine were dull.

Smashing jack-o'-lanterns?

Stealing candy?

It's okay. Believe it or not,

I was just like you when I was a kid.

Till my dad set me straight, that is.

See, my dad taught me

tonight is about respecting the dead...

because this is the one night

that the dead...

and all sorts of other things roam free

and pay us a visit.

Sorry.

All these traditions...

jack-o'-lanterns, putting on costumes,

handing out treats...

they were started to protect us,

but nowadays...

no one really cares.

Yeah.

[CHARLIE COUGHING]

I didn't do such a good job, did I?

What do you think?

Hey.

You okay?

You need a root beer?

Oh, wait.

That's right. There's another tradition.

A very important one.

Always check your candy.

Trick or--

[GROANING]

[GURGLES]

Ugh!

[KNOCKING]

CHILDREN:

Trick or treat!

CHIP:
We know you're in there.

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