Trash Fire Page #3

...and everybody comes out unscathed.

I've spent countless evenings with the guy,

I can't tell you what he does for a living.

He's a paralegal. A paralegal, okay?

You asked him that three times last time

we hung out. It was embarrassing.

I can't wrap my head around why it's so

important for you that I like your friends.

Isn't it enough that I hang out with them?

I hate you sometimes. I really do.

Let's go, we're already late.

Yeah, great.

So what's going on with you guys?

Tell me, what's up?

Yeah, um... uh...

My father is in the advanced

stages of Alzheimer's.

- Oh.

- SHELDON:
Yeah, it's a terrible disease.

It's been really tough, but all my time's

been spent going back and forth...

...between our house and the nursing home

and Sheldon's been really busy with work.

- Oh, yeah. What is it that you do again?

- (SHELDON LAUGHS)

- You gotta be kidding me, bro.

- Some sort of lawyer?

- I'm a paralegal.

- Yeah, that's right, fascinating.

- I'm really sorry to hear about your father.

- Yeah, it's been really hard.

- You need anything, let me know.

- I know, you're the best. I know, thank you.

Owen, forgive me if I'm...

I don't know, if it's a touchy subject...

...but I've never heard you bring up

your family in conversation.

My parents died in a fire.

- Oh.

- His... his sister survived.

She lives with my crazy grandmother.

That's awful. I'm so sorry. Have you

kept in touch with your sister at all?

Nah. Pretty sure she hates me.

I'm trying to convince him to,

you know, reach out to her.

Too much guilt, honey.

So long as we're on the subject

of guilt, you know...

...I don't get why they have to put

the caloric content on the menu.

You know, I was going to order a burger...

but I just can't bring myself to do it?

I just feel bad about it.

Yeah, it's hard when you know,

it's like, right there.

Owen, hey, tell us, bro. What's your secret?

How do you stay so thin, man?

- I eat whatever I want.

- Must be some metabolism.

Nope. I'm bulimic.

Wow, yeah, I thought that was a girl disease.

Well, in all fairness,

you're also kind of an idiot.

- Wow.

- Apologize to Sheldon.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I haven't had enough to drink.

Can you not drink out of the carton?

It's disgusting.

I'm sorry that I snapped at Sheldon.

Talking about my family puts me on edge.

Yeah, well, we're eventually going

to run out of people to hang out with.

If I'm stuck with you all the time,

I'll go crazy.

I understand.

So, any chance you want to f***?

Any chance you can be romantic, ever?

Okay, intimate? Do you want to be intimate?

I let you have sex with me

three times last week.

I really feel like we shouldn't do it

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