To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar Page #3

- Get out!

- Oh, my goodness! I want to see!

- I wanna see where she was birthed!

- The birthplace of Miss Vida Boheme.

There's got to be

a historical marker or something.

(Vida) Welcome to Bala Cynwyd.

(Chi Chi) It's so beautiful!

Here, they made me stop being Esther

Williams in Million Dollar Mermaid,

thus marring

the Methodist annual picnic.

(Chi Chi) How come you never told us

you were rich?

- I'm not rich, my parents are.

- You gave all this up?

There will be a barbecue

at Twelve Oaks tonight.

We were so poor my parents

got married for the rice.

Why did you give this up?

- Vida gave all this up to be Vida.

- Hello.

Next time you give something like

this up, call me, I'll take it.

There. There.

Ay, mama! Look!

Fabulous. Simply fabulous.

Maps are cheating.

Don't do that! What are you doing?

Go back!

Oh, Jesus.

Vida, this is unbecoming of a lady.

How are we gonna know

where we're going?

- Instincts, my dear.

- And exquisite wit.

To become a drag queen,

you have to learn these things.

What do you mean, "be a drag queen"?

I am a drag queen.

Oh, child, no. You are, simply put,

a boy in a dress.

When a straight man puts on a dress

to get kicks,

he is a transvestite.

When a man is a woman

trapped in a man's body

and has the little operation,

he is a transsexual.

- I know that.

- When a gay man

has way too much fashion sense

for one gender, he is a drag queen.

Thank you.

And when a tired Latin boy puts on

a dress, he is simply a boy in a dress.

(Noxeema and Vida giggling)

- I'm just a boy in a dress?

- (Both) Definitely.

(Chi Chi) OK, OK, that's it.

That does it. I'm history.

Maybe there is a place for somebody

like me but I don't need that.

She running across the border.

You have huge potential

and you are squandering it!

What do you care?

Yes, you will start off

a mere boy in a dress.

But when we are done

with this crusade,

Auntie Vida and Auntie Noxee

will give you the outrageous outlook

and indomitable spirit

that it will take to make you

a full-fledged drag queen.

So now, I want you to turn

your sway-backed little self around

on those Robert Clergerie knockoffs

and get back in this car.

Maybe I'm not just a boy in a dress.

All right. You are a drag princess.

I could live with that.

I'm a princess.

P to the R to the IN

to the CESS! I'm a princess!

- Are you all right?

- You gotta like! Princess Chi Chi.

That's fine

but you still have a lot to learn

before you're a full-fledged queen.

Can I stay a princess?

They're younger.

Does everything have to be a joke?

This is not a masquerade, it's real.

There are steps to becoming a queen.

I'm sorry. How many?

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