Thunderpants Page #2

"But I have a problem."

"I cannot control my arse."

"Would that be a worry?"

"Love, Patrick Smash."

(TV) I'mjoined now

by General Ed Sheppard...

...commander-in-chiefofoperations

at the US Space Centre.

General,

that was an incredible launch.

You must be... over the moon.

- (chuckles)

- Indeed we are, Todd.

Tell us, General,

what makes an astronaut?

I'll tell you what makes

an astronaut, Todd.

You gotta be focused,

determined...

...and in complete control

ofyourself.

But most ofall,

all ofmy astronauts...

...each and every one

has worked hard...

...to overcome their problems.

And each one ofthem...

...is a uniquely gifted individual.

(Todd) The crew must be

really special people.

General, thank you for taking

the time to talk to us today.

- And good luck with the mission.

- Thank you, Todd.

And cake news:

Today, a local lady

achieved national...

Overcome my problems.

Uniquely gifted individual.

Alan.

(Alan) Fascinating!

So you would like me

to eliminate...

...that which has made you

an outsider...

...in the eyes of society?

No, Alan. It's my arse.

I want you to make something

to stop me farting.

My flying machine

is proving to be...

...a greater challenge

than anticipated.

It should work, but it doesn't.

The flight competition

is still a week away...

...so a day's respite

will clear my mind.

Yes, Patrick.

I will construct a machine

and before you know it...

...you will be in total control

of your sphincter.

Does that mean

you're going to help me?

Quite so, Patrick. Now, leave me.

(echoing) There is work to be done.

So with Alan's help,

I felt sure we would succeed.

But things were already

happening around us...

...that would change our lives...

...in ways we could

never have guessed.

(shutter whirs and clicks)

(filing of metal)

(electric saw buzzes)

(drill whirs)

(banging)

(hissing and pinging)

(buzzing)

(dogs bark)

- (cock crows)

- (farts)

Thunderpants!

All right, Patrick,

we're ready for you!

(squeak of rubber stretching)

- (sighs) Ah!

- Good.

The thunderpants

will contain the emissions...

...in the airtight rubber lining...

...within the rigid

copper exoskeleton.

Now, evacuate

into the holding unit.

Evacuate into the holding unit.

The lunchbox.

There's a button

on the handle.

(hissing)

A-ha!

The gases have been vented

into this lunchbox...

...which will be able to hold

a full day's emissions...

...in perfect safety.

What do I do

when it's full up?

Nothing could be simpler.

(buzzer)

(squelching)

(whistle blows)

(bell tings)

Gas transfer successful.

Total containment.

What am I?

I'm a blithering idiot.

A blithering idiot?

I'm a genius!

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