This Isn't 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon': The XXX Parody Page #2

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Victoria?

She will come for me one day.

Alice will see

what she decides and...

...we will be ready.

- I can protect you.

If you change me.

Bella, you already do protect me.

You're my only reason...

...to stay alive,

if that's what I am.

But it's my job to protect you.

From everyone except my sister.

It's time!

It's time! It's time!

It's time!

Sorry about all this.

We tried to rein Alice in.

Like it's even possible.

Happy big Birthday, Bella!

- Thanks.

I found it in your bag, mind?

Dating an older woman?

Hot!

What?

You first, Rosalie.

It's a necklace.

Alice picked it up.

- Thanks.

Show me the love!

This is from Emmett.

Already installed it in your truck.

Finally, a decent sound system

for that piece of...

Hey, don't... don't hate the truck.

Open Esme and Carlisle's.

Just a little something

to brighten your day.

We think, you looking

kind of pale lately.

Paper cut.

Jas... Jas!

It's okay.

It's just a little...

...blood.

Get Jasper out of here.

I'm sor...

I'm sorry, I can't.

I'll have to stitch this up

in my office.

Check on Jasper.

I'm sure, he's very upset with himself.

And I doubt he'll listen to anyone

but you right now.

Edward?

I never wanted that party.

- It's not your fault.

Jasper hasn't been away from human blood

as long as the rest of us.

How do you do it?

Years and years of practice.

Did you ever think it of...

...just doing it the easier way?

No.

I knew who I wanted to be.

I wanted to help people.

Brings me happiness.

Even if I'm damned about this.

Damned?

Like... like hell?

Carlisle, you can't be damned.

You couldn't, it's impossible.

Thank you, Bella.

You always been very...

...gracious about us.

So, that's it?

That's why he won't change me?

Imagine the situation in reverse.

If you believed as Edward does...

...would you take away his soul?

You can't protect me.

From everything.

At some point,

something's gonna separate us.

It's gonna be an accident,

...or illness,

...or old age.

As long as I'm human.

And the only solution

is to change me.

That's not a solution,

it's a tragedy.

You're not gonna love me

when I look like a grandmother.

Bella, do you not understand

my feelings for you? No?

Carlisle told me...

...how you feel about your soul.

I don't believe that.

So don't worry about mine.

You should go inside.

It's still my birthday.

Can I ask one thing?

Kiss me?

I love you.

I love you.

Hi.

Come for a walk with me.

We got to leave Forks.

Why?

Carlisle's supposed to be

ten years older than he looks.

People are starting to notice.

Okay, I...

I gotta think of something

to say to Charlie.

When you say "we"...

I mean to my family and myself.

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