This Is 40 Page #2

Why do you need

to have sex, Deb?

Sex is the number one thing

people fight about.

You stop having sex,

there will be no more fights.

I am living proof.

I have no sex,

and I am the happiest

I have ever been.

I knew it. I knew you

were not having sex.

I can see it on your face.

It's all...

Puckered and pained.

I'm enjoying our non-sex

period, that's all I'm saying.

Don't you miss it?

I wouldn't know, because I don't

have any feeling down there anymore.

I have nerve damage

from my C-section,

so everything's just kind of...

She's numb down there.

I could sit down

hard on a fire hydrant,

and I wouldn't even

know that I was sitting.

I could get stung by a hornet down

there, and I would not feel it.

You could put

anything in there,

and I would not know

what the object was.

I used to pee in a nice stream,

and now it just kind of goes

like a shower head.

That is the saddest

thing I've ever heard.

I think you need a family.

Don't you want a family?

No, I think

I want to Clooney it.

Clooney it?

Yup.

He doesn't seem happy.

Yeah, he is.

No, he's lonely.

No, he's not.

See, I think he has sad eyes.

You sweet little thing, no.

He's doing sad, lonely eyes

to get the next lady.

Look, I can do it, too.

Watch.

I bet George Clooney

is really lonely.

Just him and his pig.

You'd f*** him.

I wouldn't.

So would you.

I would.

I wouldn't feel it,

but I would.

You'd f*** him with your numb vagina.

Yes, you would.

Ocean's Thirteen Inches, that's

what you'd find out.

Do you think?

I mean, that was idiotic, though.

You have to understand that.

That's the one

thing you don't do,

is tell her that

you used Viagra.

I think that's even

on the warning label.

We're in one of

those phases where

everything that

the other person says

just annoys

the sh*t out of each other.

All the time. It's a blast.

Don't worry about it.

You just gotta ride that out.

This sounds terrible.

Okay, I like it.

But...

Do you ever wonder

what it would be like if, say,

you were separated

by something bigger.

Like death? Like her death?

I have given it

a fair amount of thought.

Not in a painful way,

just quietly slid into death.

Like a gas leak.

Absolutely.

It's gotta be peaceful.

I mean, this is the mother

of your children.

You want her to die...

No, I'd want it

to be a peaceful...

...gentle, you know.

Yeah, just like drift into a coma

from which she never awakens.

And then you move on.

Then you are a widower.

That's just it,

people love widowers.

They love widowers. It's like the

polar opposite of divorced guys.

It's the best.

It's like,

"Oh, that poor widower."

"If I could only

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